I feel a little reluctant to let go of the guilt that I associate with food. Today I went to get a packet of little cakes as DD has a bad cold and I thought I would treat her to some... ok, and me! Automatically I also thought I should get crisps and some chocolate bars as well, since I was being "naughty" anyway. But I had to check myself and realise that I can have some cakes and not succumb to buying everything else I even remotely felt like. Now, unfortunately, I have polished off the rest fo teh cakes whilst DD has been asleep. But at least I didn't buy all that other food as well.

I woke up feeling pretty awful after trying to kiss goodbye to all my favourite foods over the weekend! I meant to "start" last Thursday but of course then it was a Bank Holiday and I couldn't start then as well know that's an excuse to EAT! So instead I spent my weekend eating as much as I possibly could and trying to enjoy it all. I was very annoyed as I wasn't hardly even hungry. It's very hard to enjoy food when you're not hungry! So here's what I consumed:

I am about to stop dieting. Forever. What will I think about? What will I talk to other women about? Who am I if I am not dieting and aplogising for how I look? What will happen if I trust my body and "eat intuitively"? I feel as though I am leaping out of an aeroplane without a parachute and I am terrified! Today is hopefully one of the last days of my life where I will abuse food and eat until I feel uncomfortable. Tomorrow I start. Today i will grieve the loss of what I have wrongly considered to be a Good Friend.