MEMBER: ShelaDean

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ShelaDean
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin"
Richmond, VA
Occupation: Relationship Happiness Coach & Author
Joined 11/10/2007

Experience

My life's passion was first expressed in a playful exchange between my husband and me one morning over coffee and cinnamon toast. Frustrated by Dale's persistent lack of timeliness, I wanted to make my point in a context that would be meaningful to him: Sex. I explained that foreplay is all day, every day, 24/7, and that being late was not effective foreplay. I suggested he accumulate Frequent Foreplay Miles to cash in when, despite his best intentions, he screwed up. He suggested I do the same. We laughed. But what began as a joke became our philosophy of marriage: Earn as many and lose as few Frequent Foreplay Miles as possible. Since that morning, eleven years ago, that philosophy has morphed into a fun and constructive way of keeping score (we all do it!) that helps couples keep the playfulness alive, develop the habit of candor, eliminate grudges and long-term resentment, embrace differences as ways to be a more responsive partner, and much more.

After 20+ years of counseling more than 2,000 couples as an estate and family attorney, I now devote my time to sharing the Frequent Foreplay Miles philosophy through my website, seminars, workshops, and one-on-one counseling. Watch for the book in 2009!

Curious? Check out www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com.

My goal: Inspire every couple to accumulate Frequent Foreplay Miles with the same enthusiasm as they collect frequent flier miles!

Expertise

Useful Sites

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Testimonials

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Blogs

  • Breakfast in Bed - Making Memories

    Bringing your sweetheart breakfast in bed is a romantic gesture sure to score what in our house are called Frequent Foreplay Miles. But, I think it’s a little weird. You don’t sleep on your kitchen table so why would you eat in bed?
  • Frequent Foreplay Miles: The Book!!

    I need help!! I've been MIA for the last few months because I've been heads down, working on my book, Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to a Happy Marriage!
  • My husband thinks I'm part witch . . .

    My husband is convinced that I’m part witch. I know things. For example, I know when he’s been sneaking the whites into a load of darks. Or, that he’s been using a dining room chair as a ladder. Or, that he was resting his head on the expensive down-filled throw pillows. I have no intention of disabusing him of his notion. Perhaps one of these days he’ll figure out that dingy white socks are a dead giveaway. Or, that it would be clever to put the dining room chair back in the same carpet imprint. Or, that the dirty spot from his hair is like a neon arrow.
  • Negotiate for Sex? Why Not!

    Mark Goulston's post in which he suggests that women ought to allow men to use them for sex seems to suggest that all men need a sex slave to calm their inner beast and, damn it, the little woman ought to lay down and submit or risk turning her husband into a cheating, prostitute-paying scumbag. I considered nominating Mark for "Neanderthal of the Year."
  • Sex for housework? You bet!

    According to a recent study, as reported on the AP newswire, men who contribute to household ch
  • Finish the book I'm writing . . .

    I've been working on my book "Frequent Foreplay Miles: Your Ticket to a Happy Marriage" for quite a
  • Is your relationship stalled on the railroad tracks?

    I just read Dr. Stieglitz’s story about New Choices and I was reminded of how choice impacts ev
  • Roses for Valentine's Day? Not for this girl!

    In the lexicon of roses, "red" means love. So, women everywhere will be getting doze
  • Surviving the Crisis . . .

    We were so well matched we had the same cleft chin. His front teeth cross slightly to the left, mine
  • Keep Score & Keep Your Relationship Strong & Happy

    Keeping score can keep your marriage happy and strong. That may fly in the face of what relat