Dear Crazy,

I bought a car about a year ago from this auto mechanic in Glendale. Before giving him the money, I had a shop a few blocks away check it out.

Coincidentally, all the guys at this place knew the mechanic I was buying it from. "Hey, isn't this Ray's car? He's a stand up guy, that Ray. Look how clean the engine is! Looks like he went at it with a toothbrush." Instead of giving it the once over, they regaled me with stories about Ray's kids and how that one time he let them borrow his air drill. My regular mechanic couldn't see it for a few more days, and I was scared I was going to lose the car, so I figured, what the hell. Ray's a mechanic, I'm sure he took great care of it. I'd just buy it and trust that Ray was as stand up as they said he was.

Four thousand dollars of crapped out batteries, leaky radiators, leaky oil pans, leaky convertible tops, leaky power steering systems and faulty brakes later, I realized I'd been duped. (Ray's Auto on Colorado in Glendale ladies and gentlemen. Throw a tomato for me next time you drive by). Ray sold me a turd of a car, and even though he is a giant sucking thing, it's my own dumb fault. He wouldn't look me in they eye when we sealed the deal, and I've gotten stronger handshakes from week-old babies. I knew in my gut that I was getting into something rill bad, but I did it anyway because you should've seen how sexy that car looked.

I'd like to let you pretend that you're as clueless as you say you are when it comes to your mental ward-full of exes, but I can't. Because you know, and you know you know, you just don't want to admit it because you should've seen how sexy he looked in those jeans.

I have a theory that people tell you everything you need to know the first week you meet them. And often even on the first date. They just can't help but puke up their little confessional hairballs right there on the candle-lit table for some reason. Here's how it goes:

Him: I sort of cheat on all my girlfriends.
Your Brain: It'll be different with us. Look how much he's opening up to me already!
Him: I hate myself and want to die.
Your Brain: That's only because he hasn't gotten a piece of me yet.
Him: I have a bit of an addiction problem.
Your Brain: I can change you. I will change you. I can't wait to change you.

I promise you, it's all there, you've just decided not to notice it. I will say that it's uncanny how we keep attracting the same types of people over and over (I honestly believe we have a 6th sense), but choosing to go forward with them is a different story.

Next time you're attracted to someone, what's say you don't leap into a relationship with him? Instead, listen carefully to what he says, pay attention to the fact that his eyes look like plate glass windows when he comes back from the bathroom and don't pretend that he's uncontrollably sobbing just because he feels comfortable opening up to you. Once you start watching, you can make changes. All it takes is really wanting to.

Just wanted to add a couple of thoughts.. I see many, many clients who are in the same boat. In fact it's more common than not for people to be drawn towards the same type of person regardless of whether that person is good or bad for them. It's all about famliliarity, habits, and blindspots.

as "crazy" as this may sound - try generating a list of your past relationships and all the characteristics of these people that are harmful or hurtful for you. That list can become a personal "characteristic checklist". The checklist can serve as your "objective" way to size the next person up.. If they have the same characteristics as those on your checklist- back off. Why a checklist and not your intuition? Because its far too easy to slip back into old patterns. The checklist is your reality test... It's a simple way not to get pulled back into your old patterns..

Sometimes- the simplest, most concrete little tricks are the key to success..

i would say because you dont think you deserve better, until then you will have to settle for the basket cases and beta-males

Hmm. I used to have the same problem from the man's side. I fell for psychos. Now I don't.

I learned to doubt my mechanism of attraction. The general rule is this:

If you are STRONGLY attracted, it is based more on your emotional needs that the suitability of your potential partner, so you will be blind to their faults.

If you are MILDLY attracted, chances are you are seeing more of the real person, flaws and all, so odds are better that things will work out.

One of my former girlfriends once said, "You can't really tell if you love someone until you see their feet of clay" meaning that as long as you were in the early phase where the person looks totally wonderful to you, you can count on the fact that it is a fantasy. If you wait until you see a lot of reasons for NOT pursuing a relationship with someone then you are much more in touch with reality.

your name is sosubversive and you wonder why you attract crazy men? it's because like attracts like. stop being crazy yourself and you wont' attract crazy men. Don't like drug addicts? Stay away from drugs and clean up your life.

Is it because you feel you want to help 'fix' them?

You want to help others, and perhaps you have a bit of a need to feel needed. You are not alone, there are lot of us that do the same thing.