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Question & AnswersQUESTION DETAIL
I'm a writer who's been living in LA for three years now. I am very happy with my professional life, which is consumed by writing, but I haven't developed any kind of social life. When I was with my wife we had many friends, but now I have very few, and haven't had a single date in over five years.
I would like to know if it really is possible to meet women through online dating. Could you give me some advice as to how to go about doing this? I would like to have sex, romance, or even marriage in my life again.
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answers
Dear Shut In,
As a fellow writer, I have three words of advice: Leave. The. House. It's not easy, and can be kind of scary because there are people out there and what if you need to suddenly take a nap or eat a bowl of cereal, but you need to get out. I get so ensconced in the cave that my mailman is sometimes the only person I see for several days in a row. He's taken to tossing my mail in the general direction of my mailbox, and darting off behind the bushes for fear I'll see him and trap him in a conversation about anything I can think of and don't you maybe want to come in for a nice piece of toast?
Writing = ass + chair + solitude. Life = getting off your ass + engaging in the world + having normal conversations with people other than just those who have to talk to you because they're in the service industry. These are opposite states of being. To bring them together takes effort. I spent nearly a month alone writing my novel, and when a worried friend insisted I hose myself off and come to a party she was having, I was unable to interact properly. It was hard to form words with my lips, and the sound of my voice freaked me out. Her friends treated me cordially, but looked at me like I might bite them at any moment. I'm not kidding.
Online dating is good and has worked for many people, but it can also be another way to spend more time alone in front of the computer. If you do decide to do it, promise me that you won't wile away the days flipping through pictures of cute girls, sending a wink here and there, and never getting up the cajones to call anyone. I recommend one email back and forth, then a phone call, and then get ye to the coffee shop. Also, be very honest in your profile and put up a picture that looks like you. Go to nerve.com or match.com and they'll explain the process. Happy hunting!
It is definitely possible to meet people through online dating. That's actually how my aunt met her husband, on eHarmony I think. Go ahead and give it a try!
I know two couples who met online and have happy marriages now. What have you got to lose?