Snags in Personal Development Part 1: The Wall

I was recently talking with a friend and colleague about our years and travels in personal growth.  We spoke fondly and proudly of breakthroughs, crashes and service.  Then her voice changed…she got quiet and serious.  She leaned into me and said, “Can I tell you something?  I know all this is SO important and has been invaluable to my life.  But sometimes, I get tired of always learning and growing myself.  Sometimes, I don’t want to hear manage your emotional state, make a new meaning, watch your language and focus, oh you should go to this training, c’mon you know this stuff, why are you choosing to be in pain…etc.  I just want to be a person who is allowed to feel how I want to feel.  Just because I’m passionate about this everyone expects me to always be ON.” 

YES!  Love those moments.  Just say what you need to say.  I was so proud of her and so excited to have that conversation!!  Why?  Because she had hit The Wall—her wall in that moment. 

While walls may look and feel different per person, they are the same in concept.  Let’s take runners as an example.  A wall for runners, is a time when the runner is exhausted and in pain.  In marathons, runners must break through their wall to finish.  In doing so, there is tremendous growth and satisfaction.

Sound familiar?  Ever had thoughts or feelings like that?  Be honest…

Join us in our humanity.  I catch myself (or someone catches me) experiencing a wall a few times each year.  Wanna know something else?  I figured out my walls are when I need to be most honest and vulnerable.  Sometimes it does get tiring and tough.  Sometimes you will want a break, want to quit, sabotage yourself, throw up smoke and mirrors, go into hiding...etc.  Experiencing our negative strategies/patterns/old programs/habits are part of the variety of growing ourselves.  Even when you think it’s all gone, it may pop out again.  Wouldn’t be the first time.  It’s ok, you’re normal…that’s your humanity! 

Here are 10 thoughts on The Wall
1. If you are always ON, as my friend described, people learn to expect that.  In other words, you are making your bed.  You might consider showing more of your humanity so people can see the whole you. 

2. Avoid the façade and hiding things at all cost.  That strategy will wreak havoc on your credibility WHEN “it” comes out.  Recoverable, absolutely, but it ain't pretty.  I learned this lesson the hard way in 2005.

3. If you are doing this to FIX yourself (assumption you are broken) and solve all your problems (doesn’t happen until you are dead…any maybe not even then) you are in for a rude awakening.

4. If you don’t take breaks, balance your life and unplug as necessary, you will burn out.  Not a new concept.

5. Learning and growing WILL ALWAYS create space for more learning and growing.  “We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” - T. S. Eliot

6. Challenges, plateaus, walls, bumps, unexpected and unknowns are present in all pursuits.  Learn to embrace and love em.

7. We all have tough days.  Even the legends.  Be gentle on yourself and others.  We all have lessons to learn no matter where we are on the journey.  You NEVER know who might be delivering your next lesson.

8. When we get into a challenging situation, or when we get mentally and physically fatigued, our minds will try to play shortcut and justification games looking for an easier road.  Notice, be present and shift.

9. If you are trying to avoid judgment and hide blemishes from others—people seeing the whole you—consider moving into the judgment and showing your true self, “warts and all”.  Honest, humble and vulnerable will quickly diffuse that ego game and  bolster your credibility.

10. You can run but you can’t hide from your wall(s).  Life will continue to present that which we must learn.

Most importantly, stay in the game.  There is just as much learning in the shit as there is in the celebration.  Mix things up, buckle down, enlist some help, grow a pair, get over yourself, laugh, get new perspective, make a new meaning, or whatever empowers you.  Just stay in the game.

Enjoy,

-Nate