Mark Goulston's post in which he suggests that women ought to allow men to use them for sex seems to suggest that all men need a sex slave to calm their inner beast and, damn it, the little woman ought to lay down and submit or risk turning her husband into a cheating, prostitute-paying scumbag. I considered nominating Mark for "Neanderthal of the Year."

Just before I hit "send" on my Neaderthal comment, my husband popped his head into my office and wanted to know if he took the cat to the vet, would I please pick up the dry cleaning. This led to a discussion in which we decided where to go for dinner that night . . . . he wanted Chinese, I wanted Mexican . . . , what color to paint the newly remodeled bathroom . . . he wanted beige and I wanted peach. I offered to have Chinese if he'd agreed to peach. A deal was struck.

I remembered then that a relationship is an endless process of negotiation, compromise, winning and losing. Couples make joint decisions daily about everything from where to set the thermostat to whether they should quit their jobs and move to Mexico. The results are often negotiated.

I admit it. I have offered to help with the yard work if my hubby promises to save enough energy for a Saturday night romp. He's done the same. I guess that means we negotiate for sex and some people might say that's not very evolved.

I say, it's the reality of being in relationship. So while I do think that Mark's view could have been stated with more diplomacy, I do agree that when he wants it and she doesn't (or vice versa,) that negotiating for it is just fine.