Are you down because your kid didn’t get into the college of their (and
your choice)? Having trouble accepting defeat? Can’t let it go? Want to
rip anyone’s throat out who tells you, “It’s not the end of the world”?

Here is the real silver lining.

This is going to
be one of the greatest opportunities that your child and you will ever
have for poise. And poise doesn't show until you are faced with
disappointment, rejection or failure. It's the ability to be bummed out
without acting or even feeling bummed out.

If you look around
you and all the way up to the Presidential campaigns and the current
President, you will see how rare a quality it is. When you have it
people admire and respect you and want esteem from you.

One of
the greatest advantages of true poise is that you can have so much
influence with so little effort. That is because you are so centered
and so solid that lesser people know in their hearts that they can’t
manipulate you and often stop bothering to try. One of the best things
about poise is it also makes the people around you want to be the best
that they can be.

When I think of poise I think of John Wooden,
the most successful basketball coach in history who coached UCLA to 10
NCAA titles. He did it with knowledge, ability preparation and poise,
all of which overflow from the building blocks to his Pyramid of Success.
He has said that never (and his players back this up) in his entire
career used a swear word. His explanation was not so much that he was
being prudish, but that he felt that when people got frustrated and
swore, it took away from their focus and execution (and poise). His
view was to remain centered as a person and as a team and so dominate
the other teams that you cause them to swear and lose their focus,
poise and cool.

Another person I think of is Warren Bennis,
one of the foremost authorities on leadership in the world and someone
who is brimming over with poise. Recently I heard him say at a meeting
at USC honoring him: "One of the greatest advantages of having so many
nice things said about you, is that it gives you something to live up
to." That is not just poise, that is charm. I am privileged to have Warren as a mentor.

So...yell,
blame, complain, whine, feel sorry for yourself OR seize this
opportunity for poise. The choice is up to your child and to you.

(c) 2008 Mark Goulston