Stress and Your "Inner Brat" - Narcissism & Entitlement Ain't Pretty

I remember a bumper sticker years ago that read, “My Inner Child Made Me Do It!” Apparently, rather than growing up, our “inner child” has evolved into an “inner brat!” At least this is the basic thesis of an article by Dan Zak in The Washington Post that begins with a pronouncement that “We are all entitled brats!”

Besides referring to proof of this new phenomenon on various television shows, including the so-called “reality show” variety, the article looks carefully at what is occurring in “real” life. Consider this: as consumers in a highly-technical society, we have come to expect efficiency and convenience, as well as instant gratification and quick turnarounds. In other words, writes Zak, “we want what we want and we want it now!” Moreover, we want what we want without aggravation, without hassles, without pain, and we want it “our way.” And when our expectations are not met, such as when we become annoyed by inconveniences and inefficiencies (have you flown lately?), our moods are adversely affected as are our behaviors. In other words, we have found the stress enemy and, in large part, it is us!

Many “experts” argue that this change in expectations is primarily a generational thing, with members of the younger generations expecting much more choice and opportunities than their elders, including baby-boomers. Most dramatic, according to a study to be published in the Journal of Personality this year, is the rise of narcissism and entitlement among the younger age groups. Our “it’s all about me” culture, suggests this new study, increasingly emphasizes that we feel good about ourselves and favors the self—selfishly--over others. And the research data underscore that entitlement is a key part of narcissism, suggesting that humans tend to project on others and on “external forces” when things don’t go the way that they would like. This, in turn, often antagonizes a situation because feeling entitled to something that you don’t get leads to frustration, “bratty” behaviors, including aggression (for example, think about all of the rude behaviors we witness when driving, in customer service lines, and at airports), and, yes, increased stress.

It’s a vicious cycle! The more that we feel entitled to something, the more dissatisfied we become when we don’t get it. And in a society where advertising constantly reminds us that whatever we have is never enough, this vicious cycle is very hard to break, especially for those who, again, narcissistically feel that they are entitled to whatever their hearts desire. At least it seems that way, doesn’t it? According to psychologist, Pauline Wallin, we need to “tame our inner brat” by realigning our expectations and squelching the nagging voice in our minds that fuels our dissatisfaction. And as I’ve already mentioned, the frustration that accompanies dissatisfaction leads to “bratty” behaviors and increased stress. (Stress, in turn, also fuels bratty behavior. Alas, there’s that vicious cycle again!)

There are many things, of course, that we can do to “manage” and even relieve stress. In this regard, the PeopleJam community offers a wide variety of remedies, practical techniques, and other supports to deal with both the symptoms and underlying causes of stress. With this support system in mind, I also recommend that we all take steps to tame our inner brat and shift our focus of attention away from ourselves, especially when we feel “entitled” to something (I refer to this principle as “dereflection” in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts). Let me quote Dr. Wallin, “If you’re self-focused, you’re not going to be happy even if you get your way. You’re just going to be looking for the next thing to be upset about.” As a result, you’ll become even more stressed! Now how “bratty” is that?!

(c) 2008 Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.