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How to Tell If He's Falling in Love with You
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months and I’m falling in love. But how do I know if he is feeling the same way about me without having to ask him directly?
I wrote about this in a chapter of Why You’re Still Single called “Diminishing Returns”.
In it, a woman wonders why a man would invest time, energy and money in somebody he might not even care about. There was originally a great joke about oral sex here that was later removed by editors, but the point remains the same:
A guy can want to fall in love, tell you you’re beautiful, treat you like a queen, and ravish you in the bedroom, and it still doesn’t give any indication that he’s actually interested.
So how will you know that he’s interested in you?
He’ll call you as soon as possible to make plans to see you again. That’s it.
Any other excuse – as pointed out ad nauseum in He’s Just Not That Into You – is meaningless.
You’re not wrong for wanting to find some clarity in your relationship. It’s normal that, over the course of a month, your feelings would start to deepen and develop. But one month is still a short period of time and unless you’re quite positive that he’s on the same love track as you are, I would lean back and play it cool.
Instead of forcing him to have a potentially uncomfortable conversation before he’s figured out his feelings, why don’t you just wait to see him reveal his feelings? Believe me, if he’s calling you every day and wants to see you four nights a week, you can be pretty sure that he’s serious about you. On the other hand, if you see him once a week and he only communicates with you by text message, I wouldn’t get too excited about him.
And when you reach the point where you simply can’t live without the knowledge that you’re in a committed relationship – most likely, in a month or two – that’s when it’s time to have a real conversation with him.
But ultimately, you shouldn’t have to have ask him how he’s feeling. You should know how he’s feeling based on the effort he’s making for you. And if he’s not making an effort, you don’t have to look very far for your answer.
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I can't speak for all men but from what I think, guys don't try to be complicated. If they like a girl, they want to see her more and that makes sense. If you can tell a guy is serious, there is no need to corner him in and make him tell you that. But if it is incredibly necessary to get some answer out of him, one method could be to just say how you feel about the relationship without sounding like you are expecting a response from his side. If he's as serious as you think he is, he'll respond himself without being nudged on to doing so.
ok i have read this can you help me understand this i've been dating a guy seance january 01/4/2008 hes in the milatary but has moved to this area about 6 years ago. hes not home alot but he calls me when ever hes away and emails me every other day and wants to see me when hes home. we normaly get to see each other twice a week because of his schudule and my scuhudle,
i work a lot of hours i get up at 3am every morning but we still make time for one another when hes home.
we haven't said we love one another yet but he has told me hes in this in for the long haul and he can't see him self with out me.... what does that mean? Do you think i have a chance with this guy? i'm very scared of being hurt and do not want my feeling to show yet how much i care for him but i think he knows what i'm feeling for him cause i have expressed some feeling towards him so he has got to know how i'm feeling
if you don't tell him how you feel if your to scared to connect with him then you could lose him. guys like to know how and what your feeling, they want to feel love. like for instance, when me and my future husband first started dating, i have been hurt in the past, and i was so scared that he would do that to me and he never did, but point being is that once i gave him my heart everything was so much better. we are engaged to be married we have known each other for 10 yrs, and have always had an eye for me been dating almost 8 months. i think that you shouldn't rush into anything and if you have to question wheather he loves you, than its rather clear that he doesn't, or if your just questioning it to get him or other people to tell you that he loves you when you know in your heart that he does then its time to grow up hun. if your not expressing your feelings to him and your scared than how do you know its love??? with love trust me if a guy really loves you he will go to any lengths to be with you, for example my wonderful fiance had no gas in his car and he drove a 20 mile drive for me and he staled out and he still managed to make it to my house, or when he walked from his house all the way to my house because he didn't have his car and he wanted to see me and thats a 2 hr walk. i much rather him show his love for me as opposed to just tell me how he's feeling because it means so much more and i knew my fiance loved me i was just in that mood of saying, "You don't care about me". the next nite he came over to my house and said don't you ever say that again.... Ok back to you if you only see each other twice a week and you work 24/7 chances are its not love how can it be you aren't hardly together, like with my boyfriend we see each other every single day. i'm not saying that you gotta be with him everyday but more than twice a week. ok he's in the military but if i was you i would look around at your options because he may very well love you i'm not doubting that, but he emails you???? if ya'll were to ever get married could you honestly live like that??? i will answer that question for you hell na you couldn't you would go crazy especially if you really love him. so if i was you i'd just stop worrying and move on with your life.
It's all about communication.
See i just got out of a relationship and i got my heart broke i ain't even gonna lie i didn't date or talk to any guys like try n to get with them or anything for almost 8 months. well like last week i guess i met this guy and well you know i stayed the night there with my friend jus to be chill n we'll shit happened and i don't regret any of it. Well he's age is like way to high for me but i don't forreal care age is nothing but a number. Well here's my point im not really questioning if he really likes or loves me because he's always telling me how he feels about me and what his thoughts are about me and not one time have i told him any of that kind of shit and he still tells me. we haven't been seeing each other for even a month yet not near it and he's already saying the (L word) and it's not like he's telling me that jus so that he can get in my pants because well that's already happened.. and we see each other as much as posible no matter what day or time it is were gonna see each other. right now he is out working with his step dad and he didn't call me for like two days which is cool because i know he's been really busy and his step dad don't like anyone using his phone because of his mins plus he has alot if shit going on right now. so my point is , is that just because a guy don't call you dont mean that he don't forreal like you they hace reasons why they can't do some things just like us girls do. now im gonna have to say that if you guys dont see each other that much and just tex all the time and talk on the phone that relationship isn't going anywhere sorry. but idn i jus thought i would share all that.
See i just got out of a relationship and i got my heart broke i ain't even gonna lie i didn't date or talk to any guys like try n to get with them or anything for almost 8 months. well like last week i guess i met this guy and well you know i stayed the night there with my friend jus to be chill n we'll shit happened and i don't regret any of it. Well he's age is like way to high for me but i don't forreal care age is nothing but a number. Well here's my point im not really questioning if he really likes or loves me because he's always telling me how he feels about me and what his thoughts are about me and not one time have i told him any of that kind of shit and he still tells me. we haven't been seeing each other for even a month yet not near it and he's already saying the (L word) and it's not like he's telling me that jus so that he can get in my pants because well that's already happened.. and we see each other as much as posible no matter what day or time it is were gonna see each other. right now he is out working with his step dad and he didn't call me for like two days which is cool because i know he's been really busy and his step dad don't like anyone using his phone because of his mins plus he has alot if shit going on right now. so my point is , is that just because a guy don't call you dont mean that he don't forreal like you they hace reasons why they can't do some things just like us girls do. now im gonna have to say that if you guys dont see each other that much and just tex all the time and talk on the phone that relationship isn't going anywhere sorry. but idn i jus thought i would share all that. oka well i guess ima tell you a little bit more girls after i say this you tell me that he don't got it bad for me....Whenever were together he's always holding me telling me how amazing i am and how much he never wants any of this to end and that he loves me i've never told him anything like that. okay here's one i HATE FEET!!! i cant stand them well he loves feet he's always rubbing my feet kissing them which is cute as hell but i also think is nasty at the same time... he never wants me to leave he always wants me to stay and jus lay with him and all that good stuff. we can be jus laying there for hours and not say one word and yet still know what each other is thinking wants to say or do it's an amazing feeling to have something like that..... i dont really know how to explain all of this all i know is that im falling for him and everything that he does and says to me i know is real and i dont have to question it one bit.
Ü
I think you're on drugs
Guys dont try and contact you right after. trust me. sometimes the girls gotta go out and make the first step.
spelllling
ive been dating this guy for four years
and when we first got together he was really nice, caring, and thoughtful. he wanted to see me all he could..but i was young and didn't understand that and i didn't care. i kissed another guy and broke up with him. then we started dating again three months later. now if i ask him to come to my house. he either says can't or makes me feel bad for asking him to. he doesn't want to move three hours away with me. he has been putting our relationship down for the past two years. talking about how bad it is. and i get the feeling he isn't really in love with me. he's broken up with me four times now and within a few weeks after he does so he wants me back. he's the way i want him to be ..nice and thoughtful for about two months and then he just goes back to not caring any more.
The return and shift keys are your friends.
I don't agree with that Advice about a guy calling four times a week means he's interested. Evry other thing in the relationship is bollucks! As far as I'm concerned if the sex is great and the person makes me feel good about myself, I'll call seven nights a week without fail. JUST FOR SELF GRATIFICATION, sO PLEASE, tweek that advice Adam.
"The return and shift keys are your friends."
Hahaha! Thats hilarious :D