“It’s not the end of the world…” I used to utter this phrase a lot whilst practicing therapy. People arrived to my office confused and in pain from a variety of issues that were seemingly beyond their control.

My marriage is falling apart. How will it affect my children? I’ve worked so hard at this relationship, maybe if I just work a little harder. My business is failing. I’ve been fired. My best friend slept with my wife. I can’t make the mortgage payment. Nothing I’m doing is working.

Welcome to a little something I like to call “life.” It’s happening around us and to us at all times. Things change, people change, circumstances change and then our lives change.

I’m not minimizing the painful nature of these experiences, but they don’t need to signify the end of your world. Life and relationships are about beginnings and endings and/or renewals.

We have a tendency to get caught in untenable situations in which we keep trying and trying to make something work, only to feel more frustrated and hurt when the inevitable occurs. We don’t think to ask ourselves, “why am I holding on so tightly to something that generally makes me feel bad?”

We’re odd creatures. We remember the few positives of an otherwise painful relationship or job and disregard the overwhelming evidence that it’s time to cut the tie because we are afraid of letting go. We fight against. Bide our time. Make bargains with ourselves and others and try to find new ways to hang on.

This calls to mind the image of a sinking ship. If you were a passenger on the S.S. Slow Boat to Nowhere, would you cling onto the deck of the ship yelling, “No! No! We can make this work!” as it begins it descent to the ocean’s floor or would you be doggie paddling like crazy to one of the life boats? As for me, “woof woof.”

There’s a freedom in finality. It gives you permission to start anew. Take what you learned from the old relationship, job or experience and try something else. Who we are today is the sum total of all of our past experiences. We carry these lessons with us not to act as reminders of what didn’t work, but as primers of how to better succeed in future endeavors.

Letting go is not synonymous with failure, although a lot of people think so. If you’re carrying old baggage in both hands, how are you going to catch new opportunities when they come flying past you?

Every ending is an opportunity for something new. Let it inform future choices, not poison them. These experiences are often very painful at first, but this is where, when and how real growth can occur, if you let it. Just remember, it’s not the end of the world, but the beginning. Okay, then keep telling yourself that until you believe it.