The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers.While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.
Reviews of: The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns...
My psychiatrist recommended this book to me, saying that we could save a lot of time on sessions if I read it! She was right: this book is a crash course in dealing with conflict in your relationships.
Dr. Lerner outlines the various types of cycles we get into, or "dances" of anger. If you've ever found yourself having the exact same argument with someone over and over, you'll know exactly how difficult these patterns can be to get out of. Dr. Lerner explains how these patterns develop and how to break them.
The strategies she outlines are so simple, you may find yourself saying, "Why didn't I think of this on my own??" However, putting them into practise at first can be difficult. Thankfully, Lerner also gives suggestions for what to do when you find yourself slipping back into old arguing habits.
I highly recommend owning a copy of this book. My husband and I have both read it and we are constantly lending it out to others.
This book helped me at the right time. I was on medication for a serious illness that caused me to become much angrier than usual at unfair events that had happened in the past. My anger was a result of being a timid person, who always had to deal with people taking advantage of me. However, by applying the true-to-life examples of people whom Dr. Lerner wrote about, I gained assertiveness and learned how to express my views in pleasant and effective ways. It also helped me to evaluate relationships, while changing my approach towards dealing with others. No longer did I allow myself to be put into positions of ridicule, as before, but now, I am able to help others to feel equal to me, and thus, gain a greater respect for me. Thanks to this book, I have developed new strategies to gain equal relationships, as well as gained a better understanding of others. It has been nine months since I had read this book, but I still return to it from time to time to review various sections that can particularly help to me for specific problems.
My mother and I read this together, when we realized that she and I, and my sisters and I, were having the same arguments over and over. It was incredibly helpful. This book presents the common patterns we use when we are angry, and points out the flaws in each one. Once we were aware of the patterns, we would watch for them, and it made it so much easier to avoid needless fighting. And when two people were arguing about something, this book allowed the others to step back and not escalate the fight. (She presents several patterns that involve using a third person to escalate the fight in some way. Just think how much easier fights would be if your mother-in-law or child or sibling or whatever stayed out of it.)
This book didn't end all fighting, of course, and I'm not sure it would work so well if only one person has read it. But it was immensely helpful for our family.
Full of anger, I read the “dancing anger” book, seeking solace. Dr. Harriet Lerner strangled my hopes of resolution.
Susie Orbach endorses Lerner's book, with the disclaimer “It will be extremely useful for almost every reader.” Sad to say, I found the book useless.
Harriet Lerner probes the sore tooth of anger, walking us through real life scenarios, filled with frustrated women.
She encourages us to shake off old societal norms, discover the source of our anger and take action.
Lerner sketches diagrams of family trees, illustrating how conflicts and subsequent anger unravels the fabric of family dynamics.
Lerner snagged my waning attention in chapter nine: “Tasks for the Daring and Courageous.” The subsequent chapters, written in a different format, changed my reading experience from negative to tolerant.
Most women, and some men, exalt this book. Who am I to argue with the world and Susie Orbach?