About a decade ago, my ex-husband and I hit a rough patch. Our twins were 4-years old at the time. We kept the hostilities in check until after they’d gone to bed; when they were up and about, in retrospect, you could say we treated each other with “cool civility.” We thought we were masking our anger and resentment. We didn’t want to expose our children to the pain of divorce.

One afternoon as I watched my children play house outside from the kitchen sink window, I listened to the words that accompanied their play. They repeated harsh words my ex and I uttered during our fights they weren’t supposed to hear. My blood ran cold. We thought we were protecting our children; rather we exposed them to grown-up realities to which children shouldn’t be privy. I went outside and hugged my son and daughter. I asked them to tell me about their game. They replied, they were being “mommy and daddy.” My ex-husband and I began couple’s counseling the following week. We eventually divorced, which wasn’t easy, but I learned an important lesson that day.

You’d be surprised by what kids see and hear. They know more than you think they know.