Work Relationships as Catalyst for Personal Change

I work with a phenomenal group of coaches, trainers, and administrators. There are about 15 of us who work hard: long, full days coupled with a commitment to our own growth in order to lead and better serve our clients. Committing to our own growth results in us seeing all of each other: the sides where we avoid responsibility and are stuck in cycles of justifications and blaming, to stellar moments of excellent and efficient work done, from sharing our blunders as well as our successes and celebrations. We also ascribe to the philosophy that each of our families of origin are powerful influences in our adult lives, and we all have a habit of recreating our original family roles in the workplace until we become more conscious and learn different roles and skills of relating.

I grew up an only child and have found developing my work relationships to be the most challenging part of my job. Grow the coaching program 100% - sure, I’ll try it! Learn how to sell and network, bring it on! Work with and manage others…hmmm, can’t this job be done at home?

Growing up, I was not used to having siblings to teach me conflict, sharing, and a sense of unity. All holiday presents were for me, all the attention was on me, the world (well, my family home) was my oyster! Not the case at work. I couldn’t believe I had co-workers whose feelings were hurt and angry because I took their resources for myself without asking. On the other side, as an only child, all the pressure was on me – I was it, my parent’s one chance for a star. I didn’t have siblings to compare and contrast feelings about my parents, and I got very good at doing things all by myself. And would you believe, my co-workers were mad at me for not asking for help with major projects that were not meant for one person to do alone! It’s not just me. One of my co-workers, a baby of the family, fought tooth and nail when others would get new responsibilities – she felt like she was being left behind and there would be no jobs left for her! When we had conflict, it was essential that I recognize how my unconscious patterns from being an only child were hurting others and isolating me. It was also essential that my co-worker express herself, recognize and be reassured that her job and all of its responsibilities were certainly not going anywhere. We didn't avoid the conflict, but fought through it and learned to both identify where we were stuck in the past, and hear where each other is coming from in a way that brought us much closer.

Suffice it to say, in the last 9 months, I have grown incredibly in my ability to negotiate with others, enter into and resolve conflict, ask for help, and yes, even share. I don’t think I would have had this level of growth had I tried this out with my friends. Because my work relationships are formed because a sense of shared mission, they differ from my personal friendships, often based on shared experiences or interests. Having this forum to work on relationships at work has helped me develop a strong vision for all my relationships: to be truthful, identify where I'm stuck in the past, get reassurance that things are different now, and really see and hear my loved ones.