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Why We Wait In Line for iPhone 3G and You Are Inferior
While waiting in line this weekend at the Apple store in Santa Monica, I was shocked by the questions posed by passers-by to the line-elites.
These people were most likely foreigners or red state hillbillies on summer vacation. The degree of ignorance displayed was disturbing.
It was as if we'd crash landed on a Planet of the Apes, where only I and my fellow line-warriors had any conception of modern technology, civilization, and the messianic glory of Father Jobs and the Apple Trinity.
Though I doubt these people own computers or are capable of reading complex English, I must record responses to their questions with the hope that many thousands of years from now their species will advance to the point that they can comprehend our brief encounter with their primitive ancestors. (Like our relationship with the aliens that built the pyramids.)
What are you waiting in line for?
Perhaps the most common question, as well as the most unfathomable. We are honoring beauty, imagination, childlike wonder, and all that is pure and good in the world.
Beyond the animalistic lives of primitive humans, there is a higher plane of spiritual being. Although we cannot depart our bodies and live permanently in this realm, we must grasp for it and cherish the rare moments of nirvana that can be achieved through ownership of iPhone 3G.
Why are you waiting in line for a phone?
iPhone 3G cannot be described by the word "phone" in your primitive language. It is the most advanced handheld device ever known to humanity and probably the universe. Perhaps the magnitude of this technology is easier to comprehend if you think of iPhone as a magical artifact that sorcerers use to communicate with omniscient spirits.
Won't iPhone 3G still be available next week?
Technically, yes. But you are missing the entire purpose of paying tribute to the glory of iPhone and the great blessing bestowed by Apple Corporation. In the way that people make public demonstrations in support of abolition, human rights, and civil liberties, the Apple faithful show their loyalty to the one true producer of consumer electronics.
Also by next week anybody could have one. Even dullards like you will get wind of it and the entire cachet of being among the first people to get one will be totally shot.
How long have you been waiting in line?
This question is completely irrelevant. You might as well ask the souls in purgatory how long they'd be willing to wait before gaining entrance to heaven. The human conception of time has no meaning when scaled to infinity.
What's the difference between iPhone 3G and the original iPhone?
Oh nothing, nothing at all. Nothing besides dramatically faster internet connectivity, real GPS technology, a redesigned exterior, and dozens of brand new applications that do all types of crazy intelligent stuff you probably never heard of. But other than that no difference at all.
And finally...
Can I buy your spot in line?
No, but you can cut in front of me when no one's looking for $500 and I'll pretend you were there the whole time.
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Ha ha ha ...very funny
Sachin
It is only a phone. Americans...
we can because were the only world power. i presume your euro trash
BWAHAHAHHAHHAH. World power. That's some funny shit considering your whole country is sliding into the toilet, your dollar is plummeting and the entire world hates you. Hell, your country's financial institutions can't even keep themselves afloat without your government propping them up while millions of homeowners are thrown into the street.
Idiot.
LOL! this guy is right and it's just a phone i should know i have an iphone. a real dickhead wrote this article, talkin of nirvana and such. LOL what a joke these apple fanboys are!
The iPhone is NOT just a phone! How in the would could you say that. I don't know what is going on in your minds but people who think the way you think need SERIOUS help!!! Fast!
Whats really funny about that is, America could continue to slide into the toilet for the next 5 years, and in the end, it still wouldn't be as shitty as the place you probably call home.
I'm an American, and I approve the above statement.
In general, we're a crappy nation.
I'll agree with you that much of this country is a pile...founded on hypocritical premises and yeah, it is sliding into the toilet. But god damn, you f*****s that refer to humans that live in this geographical area as, homogeneously moronic, flag-waving 'mericans. you are the idiots. why not judge people by what they do and say rather than where they are from...dipsh**.
what, there are no fat, illiterate, willfully ignorant numbskulls in your country?
Yes, we call them tourists...
And this is why you're visiting this site and writing in ENGLISH, right? LOL
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone
losers
clever
...i like the article, but the thing about the iphone 3g differing from the original by saying it has more applications....the original iphone recieved the same 2.0 app store update that the 3g had out of the box
LOL - nice article, i have been explicitly referring to it as the "jebusPhone" for the past few months now - i went to the church today and was blessed to have the jebusPhone fill the the digital void in my heart...
apple is so over rated....use linux like a real geek
Linux won't work for a number of things that the Mac user-base needs their computers for like graphic design, music development, and using Apple software. hahaha
And being annoying pretentious assholes?
consumerist dribble. read a book.
people can't understand it because it seems so dumb, and when you realize that 2 years from now you'll probably realize that it was kinda stupid to waste your time to wait in the line. It's also a bit embarassing, but getting caught in the moment people do crazy things.
you sir, are a pompous a**hole. Just because someone doesn't know that the new iPhone just came our doesn't mean they're an ape. How many years of dungeons and dragons have you clocked in to call a phone what you have. Have common respect for a passerby and get a life.
Oh, this was sent from my iPhone 3G.
Have A fun life in purgatory yourself, no iPhones allowed
Very funny, assuming it was meant tongue in cheek. Although if it was serious it would be the most extreme example of materialistic elitist sadness that I have ever read about on a blog. Unglue yourself from the line to buy that 90's technology phone and go volunteer for the homeless or send a donation to someone needy.
You are just a deluded member of the Church of Steve.
Granted that I'm not like most technological consumers out there, I'm not terribly sold on Apple's UI paradigms or business decisions. The lack of true competitiveness with respect to other GSM providers and developer APIs is a huge turn-off for me. When I say true competitiveness, I do mean true as in without having to use third-party tools to unencumber the device. Not to forget, either, that my mobile application has to be certified by Apple itself. What an artificial and paternalistic stranglehold.
I hate to say it, but I'll be rather smug when Apple overtakes Microsoft's hegemony in the consumer market---only to have consumers eventually face a new, giant slug that has little incentive to innovate due to its domination. Its hubris will make it ripe for being tipped over. That's how capitalism works, folks. It's great stuff. Gotta thank Joseph Schumpeter for the endearing term creative destruction.
Where does this leave us?
Well, Google's Android may not be available on phones yet, but I'd be willing to bet that it'll shake up the playing field more than you'd expect, eventually blowing Apple aside or forcing it to innovate more drastically than it'd like.
- M.
Why We Wait In Line for iPhone 3G and You Are Inferior
----------------------
Yep.. pretty much inferior when it comes to realise who is fool with no life..
WOW! dude, calm down, its an iphone, i mean it itsnt like those things never existed before, you got mormons in utah who have never seen the light of day and appleloytes in calafornia we only recognize something as technology if you put i infont of it.... ipoop, now go buy one
I like the last question/answer. Lol
stupid iphone fools!
omg...$2000 for two years of "iPhone" is iNsane.
Only a fool would wait in line to let Steve pick his pockets so stylishly.
Anyone forking this kind of cash either has benjamins to burn or is just a bit tripped up on themselves and their overinflated egos.
please die
ugh....I cant tell if your serious or not.
Love it lol!
I can't tell if this is serious...
I'd say I hope it's not, but deep down inside it would make me feel much better about myself if it was
""It is the most advanced handheld device ever known to humanity and probably the universe.""
...so advanced that when u receive images from inferior "devices" you have to memorize a ridiculous code (because the "device" is so advance copy and paste is for idiots) and enter it into a site to then finally view the image sent by inferior devices more primitive people use.
Also, you forgot to mention that "real GPS" is what has replaced traditional GPS....the difference?..."real GPS" is using cell(sorry for the primitive language) towers to give a position rather than...well, forget it.
Sincerely,
insomnia/boredom
iWhat? who care its a damn phone.
People want iPhone. AT&T wants contract and activation in store. Hence slow and long lines
"and dozens of brand new applications that do all types of crazy intelligent stuff you probably never heard of."
the original iPhone does the apps too.
Elite? The 3g iphone is overhyped. A Windows mobile device can do alot more than the iphone in just about every capacity. Nothing more than eye candy ( because I admit it does look sweet.) And no, I'm not a Microsoft fanboy. I just think the iphone is way over-rated.
Elite? Overpriced and cannot compete with Windows Mobile functionality. And I'm a Linux fanboy so don't think I'm batting for Microsoft.
While I waited in line I heard a passerby saying all to loudly, "it's pathetic!" Repeated when she didn't get a reaction (read: attention). I felt embarassed for her the way you feel embarassed for someone when they think the have been funny but no one laughs. I have the same feeling after reading the above.
nice
umm not to be rude but the apps are for all iphones and even the lowly touch
kill yourself
You forgot another popular question:
Don't you have anything better to do?
But then again I'm sure you'll find something clever to write as an answer to the question above, fully rationalizing your gullible attempts at giving meaning to your otherwise meaningless existence by waiting in line for a hand held device.
Cheers!
Just like the iPod, the Apple will come out with a new, even better one in a year.
I like the design of your site. That's probably all I would like that is related to you. If I saw you out with your iphone, I would spill my natty-light on it. From my pc to your crap mac, go screw. Enjoy your new 3g enabled phone. I have been enjoying 3g on my windows mobile ppc for what seems like a long while now.
hmmm.... either you are the biggest dumbass or incredibly gifted in sarcasm and satire. i mean, i want to /facepalm at your insanity of "Father Jobs" and "Apple Trinity" or give you a high five for stickin it to the apple fan boys. im not an anti-apple-go-microsoft guy, but what you are saying is just down right coma-inducing.
this has to be the dumbest fan boy piece of tripe i have ever read. yes, i waited in line, and yes i understand that many people had these questions, which are all valid and deserve real answers...
Reading what you wrote in your blog up there shows how crazy society has become. Standing in line for days just to be one for the first to have a new phone. And yes, calling it a phone is the right word to use (even Apple call it iPhone in case you haven't noticed).
This whole post is just pathetic, calling yourself "line-elite", shows me, the reader, how low down you really are. Saying that you need to "pay tribute to the glory of the iPhone" just makes me wonder... What is so special about Apple that someone would come up with this BS and write it on the internet for everyone to read? Its not like Mr. Steve does anything great with the money he earns from you and your other generation internet kids. He makes computers, MP3 players and a phone...
And yet another thing you got wrong: if you were to travel to companies like Japan you would see that your phone is just an average little toy. There is nothing special about it. Or if you take a look at eg the N95 from Nokia, has 3G, has GPS, has 3rd party software, has a great OS, has WiFi, etc..
Let me finish by posting a quote which fits great to all this crap:
"I'm just tired of the iPhone fanboys shooting huge sticky wads and high-fiving each other (literally) over their stupid cellphones." (Maddox)
apple fanboys are freaks