When Perfection Stinks!

As a spiritual life coach and meditation teacher, I have learned to appreciate the perfection of the Universe. I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason and that the sooner I'm willing to see that, the easier my journey is to travel. But what about those times when perfection involves the death of a child?

I know it's perfect, and I can even reason my way to the child being in a better place (and I really truly believe that). But as a mom. . .well, this is the one kind of perfection that I think stinks!

I have a friend who's son is a few months older than my own. Five years ago her son was diagnosed with neuroblastoma -- a childhood cancer for which there is no known cure; he was 3. I was there with her in the hospital as we waited for him to come through his first surgery. A year later I moved across country, but was with her in spirit when he did his 23 separate rounds of chemo, nuclear medicine, radiation and numerous trial treatments at the top cancer hospital in the country.

And he has rallied. He's defied the odds, he is like the poster-child for how to live a great life with a horrible disease. And my friend, his mom, her tenacity, faith, love, kindness and presence bring me to my knees. She finds grace in a war zone and emits a love so profound it's palpable.

This week new disease was found in her son and within 24 hours he's gone from a child running the halls to one who is having trouble waking up. The doctors gave her "the talk;" her 8 year old is expected to live for only a few more days. I'm hoping he beats the odds one more time. When I spoke with her today, in the midst of her pain and confusion, she says, "I don't want to be selfish. . . I cannot imagine life without him, but I cannot see him suffer, if I need to let him go I just want to know that." Once again I am on my knees.

So, the plan is to walk this journey moment by moment, one decision at a time. My only advice to her was that as long as you're in doubt, stay the course. Don't change direction unless you know in your heart with certainty that it feels right--you can't get it wrong.

She gets perfection. She knows her son may have served his magnificent purpose in his short life. . . but I'll say it again, in this instance, perfection stinks!
If anyone has thoughts or wants to share their struggle with perfection, I invite you to do so. Sometimes just sharing helps us let go of the agony of not liking perfect.