How many times have you had to speak on behalf of a family member who won’t speak up for themselves? Do you seem to attract significant others who expect you to motivate them into action? Do you find yourself working for bosses who zap your creative energy? It’s easy to get into a rut where we grudgingly accept what seems to be our “lot in life.” I would suggest, that instead, you’ve simply found comfort in a role that you play and seek to play it out over and over again ad nauseum. We generally do this because we forget that we have a choice and/or because we don’t feel safe or adequate playing another role.

I learned this clearly in relationship to my husband. At one point, I was a woman who was becoming increasingly antagonistic with my husband, to the point that I was almost trying to provoke a divorce. By evaluating the circumstances that made me frustrated, angry or on the verge of tears, I was able to pinpoint the “role” I was playing for my husband. I was his catalyst and he was depending on me to play this role. It was a scenario that worked for us before having kids. Being my husband’s catalyst provided me with a sense of purpose. Five years into the relationship and two children later, I no longer had the energy or desire to be his catalyst. When I was inspiring him and prodding him on (or shoving him as was sometimes necessary), I no longer had time for myself or my kids. It felt unfair and was forcing me into a victim role that I really did not enjoy. I was furious that ‘dear hubby’ couldn’t motivate himself, and he was perplexed as to why the “contract” between us was changing. We formed our relationship on this invisible unspoken contract that said I'd bump, cajole or shove him towards succes and in return I got to have the bulk of the power. What I really wanted was to feel empowered by my own success and share the power within the household with my husband. I wanted him to accept responsibility for himself.

Think of life as a series of plays in which we are an actor. Sometimes we play the victim, sometimes the savior and sometimes the antagonist (and a variety of roles in between these extremes). Just because we have “typecast” ourselves into a particular role doesn’t mean we can never get out of it. There’s CHOICE, and we all have it.

First you have to identify your role. Next, you cannot change your role quietly and “behind the scenes;” You have to let the other characters know what your intent is so that they can either agree to switch their roles in relationship to you or help you move on to another scene where your new character gets to shine. You can do this verbally or through your actions, but you must let others know that you are different.

My husband and me? It wasn’t an easy switch as dear hubby wasn’t as eager to play the lead role, as I was to have him do it. But with some tips (see “Changing Roles”) we persevered and now 9 years later we are each playing different roles and helping each other achieve new and higher versions of ourselves all of the time.

I say this lesson started for me in 1999, but that's when it consciously started to happen - changing roles. I have continued to change roles, allowing myself to evolve into the highest version of myself that I can attain, and then continuing to reach higher. I no longer feel stuck, unhappy or frustrated with life. I feel like life is a great big stage and I get to keep playing different parts! How Cool!