Find and interesting looking feather at a craft store. Create a bracelet with colorful beads strung on round elastic. Tie the feather to the bracelet. Now you have something colorful, interesting and practical that the whole family can use whenever feelings are hurt or misunderstandings occur.

Ask those involved to join you in a circle. The child who is feeling hurt or misunderstood takes the feather, and talks. He/She must be allowed to speak without interruption. If someone else wishes to ask a question, to apologize, or contribute their feelings, they politely ask to use the feather, and wait their turn.

The contained conversation format creates a safe space for a child who feels hurt or misunderstood, and also for the one who was allegedly at fault. Oftentimes with children things start to escalate, and a process of blaming begins. Using the Talking Feather helps diffuse feelings and reactions, so that EVERYONE feels heard, including the adults.

In this organic process, it's also important to ensure that apologies have been made. An "I'm sorry" is really not enough. A more genuinely felt apology involves a statement that includes the offending action. i.e. "I'm sorry for grabbing your doll."

Very soon you may find that your kids will start using the process to self-regulate.