A dear friend and I have a fun practice we do once per week to share ideas and get to know each other better. Our practice is to share a personal journal entry, blog or some other type of revealing writing. In our last exchange, I came across my journal entry below.

Revisiting journal entries is truly one of the magic moments in life. The rewards are too numerous to count...today and tomorrow. If you are not writing, journaling, blogging often, I challenge you to do so for 90 days. HELL, even 30 days! I guarantee you will be blown away.

08.20.05

That's what I'm in... Transition. I'm trying to navigate running full speed, chasing my passion and purpose while bailing out of a burning car and pleading with myself to pull back….get back to solid ground. I’m trying to stay true to who I am, what I want to become and how I already show up. I’m trying to compensate for what I’m not by reading as much as I can about who I want to be—and yet who I want to be is who I am—not compensated. In my mind the vision of me is grand, wait, the vision of who I’m am going to be…. So that means the vision of me now is less than it should be? NO! Because I can’t see in me, don’t see in me, won’t see in me is growing like the grand tree that is the vision of me. It’s everyone else who can see the real me. The authentic me is rich in the moments when I don’t let my mind get in the way. The moments when our eyes connect and you pause because you know how intently I’m listening to you. When I walk into the room and your baby, your loving child smiles and cries out “Uncle Nate!” running to me with arms wide open. I can’t express with words what that means. Moments when you need someone to believe in you, listen to you, pump you up. Or when you need to be carried… Moments when you just need to hear the truth. I am. I am all those things and more—AND—I am in transition. I am struggling to make the right decision. I am saying the wrong thing, I’m talking instead of hearing you, feeling you, loving you. I’m in transition because I choose to…as awkward as this looks. I’m in transition because it’s the right thing to do. This world of information overload and mixed messages has my mind spinning. I’ll be caught in hours of reruns projecting in my head demanding the right response—NOW. Now that it’s over. Now that I can’t get it back. I’m in transition because it’s unavoidable! If I’m not, I’m dead. As soon as I stop thinking, feeling, growing, changing….I’m dead. So transition it’s you and me, dancing together, stepping on each others toes, trying to sing the words of a song I don’t know. I feel weird with you transition…you are not how I expected, we are not how I expected. I wonder if everyone feels this way with you.

-NT