Holidays are full of unnecessary crap. Gift giving is an outdated ritual taken to obscene extremes. Just say no. To help you get started, here's a list of ten unnecessary things that we'd all be better off avoiding this holiday season:

1. Any kitchen appliance that requires a cartridge
The companies that make kitchen appliances now want to follow Sony Playstation's footsteps. They are selling razor blades and giving away the razors. For example, the latest and greatest cappuccino makers make it easy to brew a cup by inserting a prepackaged espresso package. No mess, no grinding. Just pop a cap and presto! great coffee. But when you buy this machine, you are buying into a lifestyle of excess consumption, wasteful packaging and landfill. Just say no.

2. A bigger car
C'mon admit it, don't you feel like a big dork driving your oversized SUV? You don't? Wake up, you hoser. If you drive a Hummer or a Chevy Suburban or a Ford Excursion, shame on you, you are gross. 2008 is the year when we should all downsize our vehicles. As if gasoline prices weren't enough of a warning at $4.00 per gallon. Maybe you've read about the war in Iraq? Why should a soldier die so you can drive a huge car?

3. Two parking spaces at the mall
It's bad enough that you feel drawn to the mall like so many thousands of others. You have the word "Lemming" tattooed on your ass. No imagination. But even worse, you take two parking spots in the mall because you are too lazy to park straight. Tired of getting your doors scratched?

4. Plastic crap
We are filling our national parks with truckloads of plastic crap imported from China. Don't accept more. STop buying this junk and they will stop importing it.

5. Anything from Wal-Mart
Wal-Mart is the North American outpost of the communist Chinese government. They make $350 billion a year selling plastic crap from china to unwitting dupes like you. Wake up. don't shop there. You are putting Americans out of a job. THe quality sucks and the prices aren't all that great, either.

6. Anything for a mobile phone
Stop buying bling for your phone. Don't buy a ringtone, and don't let your kids buy them either. Mobile phones are noisy contraptions designed to make other people notice you. It's no longer cool to be noticed. No one cares that you have the new Britney single as your ringtone. No one wants a piece of you. Stop vying for attention by buying cheesy junk like ringtones.

7. Any food product wrapped in plastic
Ever wonder how those holiday cheeses and salamis can last so long in the shop window? Easy. They are pumped full of chemicals. Eating this crap is worse than eating fudge. It's like formaldehyde. You are stuffing yourslef with enough chemicals to light up a junior high school science lab. If you eat this crap you will end up weighing six thousand pounds and glowing in the dark. Your kidneys will rupture and you will end up with internal bleeding.

8. A plastic christmas tree
C'mon people. A plastic tree? you've got to be kidding. even if you are totally against clearcutting in pacific northwest forests, you must be able to do the math and realize that a tree made in China from petroleum products which is then boxed in cardboard and shipped to the USA consumes many times more energy and is wasteful on a scale that rivals the Roman Empire. Who needs a tree anyway? It's an ancient pagan ritual that has nothing to do with contemporary religions. Walk away from this bogus tradition. Walk in a woods. Try a real forest with real trees.

9. Anything larger than your head
It is truely tasteless to give a present that is larger than your head. If you give big boxes to your friends and loved ones, what you are reallly saying about yourself is that you have no emotional self confidence and you rely upon them to make you feel more in charge of yourself.

10. Hey-- what do you think?
What other useless gifts should people avoid this season?