Sometimes you fight because you love too much

Posted by Zoe on January 4, 2008 1:18 PM PST

Tags: Love, breakups, confession, fighting, relationship, sex, story, Commitment

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I'm not crazy, I swear. Sometimes when you live together, and see eachother all the time, little things start feeling like big things that you just can't stand. You start picking at little things and balloon them into giant bags of hot air. But later on you realize, it is indeed just air. Just blowing off a little steam seems to escalate into bigger issues by the way he said something, or by the way I react to a simple statement.
Why is that? I love this man. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him, yet sometimes even the slightest touch from him repulses me. He makes me soo angry sometimes, that when I lay in bed to go to sleep, I start wondering how long I can go without kissing him, or touching, or even yet talking. Then I awake and everything goes back to normal.
But does it? Those fights always snowball into the next arguement, and then the next. All the magazines and articles I've read say that couples argue about 3 things the most. Sex (check) Money (check) and Chores or housework (check). How do we survive these inevitable arguements? With someone as stubborn as I, it is virtually impossible to get in a word when I'm angry.
Is this relationship just destined for doom? I wouldn't say that it is. I mean we work through the fights and arguements. None of them have been about real serious issues such as rape, cheating, lying, or deceit. So am I crazy to make a big deal out of silly arguements? I need some advice....
Help...

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5 Comments

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Pick one day out of the week, for example, Tuesday. You and your husband of boyfriend or whoever this man is, can only discuss and argument or a fight on Tuesdays. Sooo if you had a fight on Wednesday, you have to wait until next tuesday to even speak about it. Most of the time people forget after that long.....

Different people argue about different things, what might be small to you might be huge to someone else. But I definitely agree that fighting can be healing sometimes. Sometimes it simply comes from spending too much time together, it's those times when you need to spend time apart to really get where you want to go. My husband and I fight like damn cats and dogs, and it reminds me of fighting with my mother when I was a kid. In the end it's not that I hate my mother (or my husband) but in fact that I love them both. I'm not really sure where the logic comes in this, and wish I knew, I just know it's true.

I don't think its doomed at all, its healthy to have disagreements and even if you do making up is the best part. Passive aggressive personalities generally do more damage in this situation so at least you're speaking your mind.

Although it sounds like you two should improve your listening skills and practice on the art of compromising. Some battles aren't worth fighting over, such as taking the trash out or cleaning the hairball from the shower. My gf does that and I absolutely hate it -- I just learned to accept the good over the bad.

A part of me wants to say that all relationships are destined for doom. I really believe that most people just don't have the maturity nor the resolve to love unconditionally.

There's a saying in Spain that translates to, "lovers who fight, are lovers who love..." Unless a murder has been committed, I suppose.

How long can you go without kissing him....that was funny! If you're growing together, stay together. Think with your heart and feel with your mind. I lifted that last phrase from a friend, it's the most sense I've heard in a while.