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Something to remember about saying NO
"If you never say 'No' WHERE nid=your 'Yeses' are meaningless"
You know those people who always say yes to everyone? They don't lie on purpose, either they don't like to disappoint anyone or they are so conflict-avoiding that they say yes rather than face someone and have to say no.
Then what happens? They can't possibly deliver on everything, so some things fall through the cracks, and it's actually worse for people who are counting on them, than if they had just said no in the first place.
Would you rather be the person who doesn't say yes unless they can really deliver? Or the person who always says yes even when they mean no?
It's all about transparency, credibility and integrity. If you say yes only when you really mean it, people know they can count on your word - if I say I'll do something, they can rely on it. Speaking for myself, I find that the trust I build up goes beyond the specific circumstances of what I said yes or no to - it contributes to the trust in the whole relationship. And people are much more likely to ask me to work with them the next time - even if I said no intially - because they feel comfortable that I'll deliver what I promised.
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Thanks Julie!
Your Tip has reminded me of another I was introduced to recently - it comes from a short film featuring Michael Neill on monday9am.tv
The question asked is: "Do you say Yes to your Yes's, No to your No's and No to your Maybe's?" because sometimes we just plain get confused about what it is we do or don't want - particularly when it is a Maybe.
The key that resonated with me is "If it's not a Yes, it's a No for NOW".
The distinction being, that just because I say no to something now - doesn't always mean I won't be able to say Yes to it at some point in the future; so it has really helped me start saying No to my Maybe's without fear. A decision is a response or action relevant to the moment in time it is made - but when we get stuck on our Maybe's we imbue the decision with a permanence that might not be appropriate.
The link to integrity and credibility that you mention is also such an poignant reminder - to say Yes and not be able to deliver may result in a lot of personal guilt; but the damage it could be doing to your relationships in the meantime is significant. In fact, I wonder what this could be doing to our relationships with ourselves?
With love & curiosity,
Sam :)
Sam Forsberg
Writer & Lifecoach
www.seraphima.com
Well said. I totally agree. It's a hard lesson, and a skill that I believe we must constantly work on. In this day and age there are so many distractions, so many things to do, it makes it all too easy. Yet I fully believe that whenever we say we will do something and do it, we build our own power because our minds believe the words that come out of our mouths. And people trust us when we do what we say. If you think about it, there are only two reasons we get upset with people:
1. They did not do something they said they would
2. They did not do something we expected them to do
The second is an issue of clear communication. The first is all about integrity.
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