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As a single mother, it is normal to find every day a challenge, a struggle to balance the roles of an earning for and nurturing a child. Though there are days which are more trying than others, with a little organization and planning you would be able to handle just fine. Here are a few tips that would help you along in your task.
1. Learning to get help – no matter what the age of the child (or children) is, there would be times when they fall sick, or need some extra attention while you just have to be at your work place. You need to be prepared for such situations. Make a list of baby sitters in your area and the time that they are generally available. Have their phone and cell phone numbers on that list so you could call them without any trouble. Find out the coordinates of any professional childcare agency that can send over help when you need it. Also, list the phone numbers of your relatives and close friends whom you could call in time of emergency. Do not ignore the importance of making a list as in an emergency you would not be able to think of all the alternatives available.
2. Male role model for your child – boy or girl, your child would need a male figure in their lives. Contrary to common belief, children do not need specifically a father figure. However, they do need to relate with a male adult and this need becomes more pronounced when boys enter their teens. Here the best you could do is have a close relative bond with your child, such as your brother, father, or uncle. In the case of a girl, she would experience the role of a male relative in her life, and in case of a boy he could have someone close to ask all the awkward questions his age take him through.
3. Hiring a nanny – many single mothers prefer hiring nannies because they are assured of help at all times. Mothers usually feel less guilty about their time away from the child, when they know that the child is comfortable at home and safe. Speaking of safety, you need to ensure that the person to whom you are entrusting your child is not likely to endanger his or her life by irresponsible behavior. Therefore, you need to take a few precautions: (1) check the nanny's antecedents with the police, (2) check her recommendations meticulously, (3) have a hidden camera installed in your home about which no one should know about, not even your child, (4) Get your nanny using a reputable nanny agency or using your trusted sources.
4. Feeding your child – the worst nightmare for all parents is that their children are not eating the right things. This is compounded by the fact that you are not at home for the major part of the day. You can solve this problem by planning a menu that your child loves. Make sandwiches that are both healthy and tasty, or pizzas with toppings that your child loves. Have flavored milk stocked, diary products such as cheese spreads which can be used by the child when he or she feels hungry. Forbid the child from using fire or any electric appliances when alone at home. Accidents can happen and the child might not be equipped to handle the consequences.
5. Discipline – it is difficult to be harsh with your child when you are with him for only 4-5 hours every day. You need to use the time to instill a sense of mutual trust and fair play. Though it is important that the child feel he or she is considered in decision-making, he or she should know that the last word is yours. Avoid punishment, and encourage good behavior with positive reinforcement. Make it a point to express your love all the time and keep communication line open. The child should be able to talk with you school, friends and sex if necessary with equal ease.
6. Money matters – most parents give their children an allowance, which is a good way for the child to learn financial management. Make your child aware about the dangers of eating irresponsibly. Allot household chores to your child according to his or her age; for anything, they volunteer to do extra, pay them. This would make them willing workers, and also teach them the value of money.
7. Bonding with your child – single mothers tend to be overprotective about their children because they always feel guilty that they are neglecting them; as a result, the child is spoilt silly. Do not fall into this trap. Be fair to yourself and let the child know that there are certain things that cannot be helped, such as your going to work. Make the best of the time together and always be available for your child over phone wherever you are. Have a special day (Sunday) or special hours when you use to be with your child, so he or she knows they are special to you.
Life can be difficult when you are a single mother; but the rewards are great too. Use these tips to tackle the challenges you meet in your life.
Being a single mom was the last place I expected myself to be at 25 years old. Reading your list I'm sure many would say oh that's common sense, but you'd be surprised how much you don't think of it when you're in it. Single mothers have a compulsive need to prove they can do it alone, and forget sometimes that it's okay to ask for help! (Maybe not all single moms, but I do!)
I have several friends that are single mothers. I know it's not something they chose, but it's something that happened, and I have to admit that they're probably the best parents I know. They never ask me for help, and if they ever did, I'd do everything possible to help them. I can't imagine that it's easy being a single mom, I know that at times it's very hard for them. I just love 'em, and hope they know that I'll always be there for them and precious kids. The only thing I can't agree with is the male romodel thing. It's a good idea, but it's not something to rush into. Make sure they're someone that's great for your child first. If it's someone that comes into your life, just to walk back out, it'll mess the kids up even worse. So definately be careful with that one.
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