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Sex, Lies, and....Revenge!
I met this guy that I fell for instantly. We were inseparable, joined at the hip and the mind. We were planning trips together, I practically moved in, and then quite abruptly I did an about-face, and began to push him away in subtle and not so subtle ways (i.e. I turned him down about three times in one week with valid excuses as to why I couldn't meet up with him and I sent him a text telling him that I wasn’t sure that we should continue this.) My friends were like, "What the hell did you do that for?" I didn't have an answer. I just had this feeling that the other shoe would fall.
He stopped trying and I felt horrible as though I had let my neurotic fears get in the way of something that might have been great. So, racked with guilt, I began to call him, I apologized, I tried to regain that intimate trust that I felt as though I had destroyed. We tried again, but something was lost, it was irretrievable. Besides, he was acting differently; he'd flirt with other girls and pretend that he was just being some social butterfly. I could see right through his act and almost excused it as symptomatic of whatever hurt he had felt by me. But I didn't excuse it and after a night with friends at a party, I decided that I wouldn't see him again. I left in the morning without saying goodbye, and we didn't call each other again after that.
Two days later, one of my very good friends called to tell me that this bastard had called her! My last night at his place, while I was sleeping, he had gone through my phone, lifted her number and proceeded to call her for a date thinking that she was flirting with him. She told him, "If you saw me looking at you it was only because I was sizing you up because I didn't think you were good enough for Amanda." Ouch! I'm in my mid-20s, my girlfriend is 19 and this bastard is 38!!! I was blown away.
It taught me that older guys aren't necessarily more mature. It showed me that I was more mature than I thought I was because I didn't call him and curse him out when my girlfriend broke the news. I decided that nothing I said mattered, it was between him and God and besides, that was uber-Creepy, and I wanted nothing more to do with that. I deleted him from my phone and everyone I met through him while proceeding to avoid those places I knew he frequented. Recently, I ran into him and he came up to me apologizing and trying to seduce me!! I told him that it wasn't safe for him to be in physical proximity, that he needed to back off, and that I didn't know what I saw in him to begin with. Now he's calling and texting and leaving messages like, "I don't know what I was thinking" blah blah.... and it feels good to ignore him and hope that he's possibly hurting A LOT. My question to the community is: Why do guys respond to girls that treat them like shit? And what do men have to say about this asshole that gives all of you a bad rap? My mom said, "don't take him back, he'll only do much worse in the future." So true! Though I'm tempted to find other ways to take revenge...
comments
Amanda,
Sorry to hear about your last boyfriend, if you even called him that. I unfortunately remain in the dating game as well. Personally, I cannot relate or explain why guys or girls gravitate or remain with their mates who do not treat them with respect. If I am interested or dating a woman I will initiate calls and dates. If my calls and efforts are not reciprocated, it's not appreciated. Very simply, I don't stay in relationships that make me unhappy despite how physically or mentally attracted I might be to her.
People are sometimes calculated like your guy who went through your phone and called your friend then later tried to coax you back. Why waste any more time, thought and energy on this person when your efforts can be focused on more positive ones. The bottom line, anyone with maturity who seeks a serious relationship doesn't engage in childish acts or the cat and mouse game. If I were you and continued to receive unwanted calls and texts I would call that person and let them know this. Again, if you are dealing with a mature person they will respect your wishes and move along as you should, revenge not included.
Mark Degen
Hi Amanda :)
I agree completely with everything that Mark said. My concern goes directly to you and your state of mind in this matter. Anger, revenge, and negative contemplation of any event like what you have gone through is inherently infectious in other areas of your life. This guy represents one individual in a sea of humanity, a sea filled with great people and a few duds like he was. Please pursue your course and find a way to just remove any thought processes that reflect this experience and replace them with something else. You are clearly a bright and articulate young women. Focusing on the more positive aspects of your life and future will net so much more than reflecting on this experience will. -Rooting for you, applauding your decisions, and looking forward to reading about other more positive aspects of your life -Gram
I needed a catchy title and also sometimes, I just like to mouth the word, "revenge." I like the sound of it, but I'm far too busy to devote any action, let alone much thought to the idea. Besides, when you're reflecting and being introspective about a touchy subject, all sorts of feelings come to the surface, that's why it's a good idea to write about it and not fight about it. Which brings me to why I wrote this post; it wasn't to hurt anyone but rather to release bottled emotions and to create a dialog about men, women and the different ways we hurt each other. I see most people as walking around as though they're impervious to pain. We either fall or get knocked down and we get up again before anyone has noticed and move into another relationship/ sexual encounter as though we have no past history, as though we really are a clean slate and that the hurt feelings of yesterday are of no significance today. Thinking this way inclines me towards forgiving and forgetting because the truth is that deep down, we're all just pathetically hurt creatures just teetering by. I'm not angry nor am I vengeful, I mean, I ignored this person at the time I should have been most angry and even somewhat vengeful. It's just that his latest outburst of unwanted texts and phone-calls after I've told him to stay away, made the issue brand new again and had me battling with emotions that he's creating out of a masochistic curiosity that revolves around how far his ego can push my buttons. The fact that this was a former love-interest, colors the situation in a dark and ruddy hue, it provokes my ego, and it touches a vulnerable spot inside that I don't like admitting to. Thanks for the comments guys. We've all done things that we'd be embarrassed to admit, we've all been the bitch or the asshole in the story, but I think it's important to remember that at each moment, we're the ones writing the story and that we always have the ability to heal ourselves and each other.
Forgive the demeanor of my last post Amanda, I just reread it and it sounds a little preachy.... I have a daughter close to your age and I think I went into "Daddy" mode there, my apologies. Great summation :) I really like the "we're the ones writing the story" part. Its true, and I am glad you decided to include it. You are clearly destined for much greater things in life, and much better relationships.