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Setup a time to break up
Tell the person that you'd like to have a conversation about the relationship. And create a time and place that has a lot of space to it (no outside pressures, no other people there, no big time constraints, etc). Then when you have the conversation, don't feel you have to defend your reasons. This is your choice. You're not going to court. Instead, be appreciative. Given the person is not kicking you out, you can even talk about the good times and how much the person has meant to you.
Often times we know we need to break up, but it all suddenly happens at an inopportune time, like late at night or when someone does something even slightly wrong. What happens then is a horrendous conversation that does not usually end well, and leaves both people hurt. Instead, this is a way to honor the relationship and give it a heartfelt goodbye.
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Most people know something is wrong with a relationship before the end, but they rarely break-up unless something pushes them over the edge.
When you've just been pushed over the edge, you're screaming and clawing at anything and everything, and just like that, it's over!
People would have to become a lot more patient and thoughtful to pencil in a break-up in their schedules.
It almost sounds to me like the difference between murder and premeditated murder.
It's a fair point you make. However, I disagree. I had one of those intense moments come up when it was clear that we were breaking up, but before making any final decisions, I said, "You know it's late. I'm feeling completely stressed out. How about we talk tomorrow afternoon?" And she agreed. Neither of us wanted the drama. So I met her the next day, and we took a walk and just talked. I was actually crying a lot because I knew I would miss her, and I had wanted it to work out. Then we just sat there watching the sunset, with my arms around her, often in silence. And that was it.... While we don't talk much anymore, we both have a lot of respect for each other and consider each other friends.
Perhaps this deserves more space, but I have to agree with you Richman! I firmly believe that if a relationship isn't working for one person, it isn't working for the other either. It's kind of a Universal Law. It applies to relationships, jobs, friendships. . . Unfortunately, both people are not always ready to admit there is dysfunction at the same time. When one person waits and wais, hoping that it will work or that the relationship will just fizzle, then they are doing a disservice to themself as well as to the other person. The key is to be honest with yourself and then the other person. They may not like it that you are the brave one willing to bring it up, but at some point they will be grateful. By allowing a specific time and place to end the relationship, it allows each person to process what is going on. In essence, it honors each person and the relationship that formed when you came together. Great advice!
Peace and Light,
Teri Johnson
Spiritual Life Coach
Guiding You Into Authenticity with Grace
SO you have decided to break someone's heart? why do u need a set time to do so? so they can look back and remember the exact date and time you said those crushing words "I cant be with you anymore"? Like a sunset makes everything better. Its like cooking a filet mignon for your dog before you put her to sleep.
Ending it badly makes it easier for the other person to move on because they now view you as a jerk or asshole. Why do u need more space when breaking up? so the recepient of the break up has more room to throw things at you and scream and shout? I find that when you have a break up its normally a mutual decision and you spend 10-15 minutes completing the task not a whole eventful evening.
Those are my thoughts hope they are helpful.
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