Secret to Success, a.k.a. "Why kissups win"

Posted by Dr. Mark Goulston on August 30, 2007 1:14 PM PDT

Tags: advice, Career, kissing up, success, Career Management

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Early in your career find out who the most successful and most guarded people are in the industry or field you are most passionate about. Find a way to develop a relationship by saying to them: "I want to learn everything you know. What's the best way to do that?" Then do whatever they tell you, learn everything they know and learn how to be trusted and indispensable to them, so when they can't be king any more and haven't cultivated close confidants they turn over the keys to the kingdom to you. If and when they do, be respectful, loyal and generous and pay them back with the best retirement, involvement, or whatever they want.

Because I didn't follow this tip, whereas the people I know who did can buy and sell me one hundred times over. In other words, to quote Marlon Brando in "On the Waterfront," "I coulda' been a contender, but I had to do things my way. If I knew how simple it was, I wouldn't have made it so difficult.

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4 Comments

Wow, how timely.
I just asked myself the other day, "why do I make things so hard on myself?"
If I could learn to flow with ease and take some of my personal issues out of it, I could probably learn a whole lot more.
Hmm.. any suggestions on how to let go?

beth |community coordinator | life coach |seeker of knowledge|

Posted by beth on September 4, 2007 12:19 PM PDT

It is congenitally impossible for me to be a kiss up and I'm especially contemptuous of those who do kiss up. It's been my experience that it's always the most untalented, uninspired, mediocre hacks who have their noses buried the deepest in their boss' backsides. It's also been my experience that bosses who reward kiss up behavior rather than meritorious behavior are individuals with whom I don't wish to work.

I've left jobs and ended professional relationships for these very reasons. Ultimately, I chose wisely. Who wants to inherit a kingdom you have to repopulate because the previous naked emperor populated it with hacks, toadies, yes men, leg humpers, and sycophants? Not me.

Posted by Tara on September 18, 2007 10:07 AM PDT

Kissing up is not a "positive" phrase. However, if we look at every human being as having something to offer us and we have a opportunity to tap into that knowledge, then we ought to use all our resources to get a hold of that knowledge. When I was in graduate school, there was a professor who was not well liked - in fact, for two classes, I was the only student who signed up for the classes and he refused to cancel the classes - so I went. He was an old scrooge but I learned more from him by viewing him as a door that was open to me. I could walk through or not, but because I did, my mind was expanded and I am forever grateful for the knowledge he imparted to me. I do not feel that I sold my soul to the devil, just the oppposite - I am better person because of of the experience.

Posted by Rabbi Rick on September 23, 2007 7:36 PM PDT

I love how the language of that title grabs everyone. 50% of the people are grabbed by the insulting nature of it all. "I'll never be a kiss up!" And the other 50% are going "So what do I gotta do?"

Great title and great advice!!

Nate