I agree with you that there needs to be a clean break, but I'm not sure about not being friends. When I have a strong connection to someone, especially a soul mate, I don't want them out of my life forever.

I have found that a clean break up for me means not speaking or interacting with the other person on a regular, everyday basis. I like to give myself at least 21 days of uninterrupted time for processing and clarity. It helps me to be able to see what I was giving as well as clarify what I was getting and then redefine based on the clarity. If I end up not speaking with them again, I can trust that clarity. If I found that there I still want to maintain a meaningful connection, I get to ask for what I want.

I'm with Robert on this. With some of my relationships, they were such important supporters in my life and on my personal growth journey that I want to remain friends. And something that I anchored into deeply with the help of my first coach was embracing the possibility that once the energy of love is created between two people, that energy nevers dies or ends. It might change shape within the relationship, however love never ever ends. I find comfort in this and it allows me to love my previous partners and the relationships we had together.

If the ex is indeed what you refer to as a "soul mate," then why did the relationship end?

Additionally, if you had such a great "friendship" whilst romantically involved, I again ask, why aren't you still together?

Endings are difficult for most people, so they cling to the misguided belief that they can "be friends" (particularly the dumpee). "Can we still be friends" is code for "I'm not ready to let go of this relationship and somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I'm hoping we'll get back together."

The person who initiates the break-up most certainly doesn't want to continue hanging out regularly, going for coffee and to the movies. If they do, then they're sending mixed messages, which is a major mind----. It's been my experience that most people who claim that they're "good friends" with their ex(es), can't come to terms with the fact that another romantic relationship has ended. Helena Rosenburg talks about this in one of her videos as well. Lingering relationships, even if it's just a fantasy (and in most cases, it is), prevents a person from moving onto a new and hopefully lasting relationship.

Best of luck to you!

Tara,

I love this tip. In theory, it would be great to stay in touch with old flames and keep them in our circle of friends...and in some cases it is possible. More often, it becomes a way to hold on to the comfort of the relationship which can hinder our ability to heal from the breakup and prepare a new relationship in a healthy way.

I think Mynde offers a good solution - get clarity. If we are honest with ourselves, we'll see our real intentions (Don't worry, you don't have to tell your friends!). In Robert's case, it sounds as if you both entered into the relationship as friends and with an understanding about the future (you were leaving). That clarity is what makes it possible for you to keep your friend in your life. If on the other hand, we still hold a gentle longing to be with that person (or they do), even if only for the familiarity and comfort - a clean break offers us the space to get clear about our intentions about what we really want from the former and next relationship.

Ripping the Band-Aid doesn't have to be the slamming of a door. In fact, I see it as a gentle way of honoring the relationship.

Nicolette Pizzitola | Compass Point Associates, LLC | www.compasspointassociates.org