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Resolutions aren't the solution.
New Year's resolutions are the seeds of annual recrimination and regret. We resolve to lose weight, to quit smoking, to have better relationships and lead new and improved lives. Three months later, most of us still overweight or smelly and short winded from cigarettes or miserable or alone and are left wondering where we went astray.
Lasting change is difficult. It's rarely a simple matter of switching dry cleaners or mechanics. Real change happens when we consistently make different choices, particularly when friends and family are against it. That's not easy. It's tough breaking old habits and attitudes, even when we want to do so. There are actually times when I know I'm choosing a familiar behavior that leads to nowhere and yet, I still do it. It's almost like being possessed.
On good days, I can resist. On not so good days, some people can push my buttons like a telephone operator; especially if they're residual buttons from childhood. Maddening.
Why do most of our resolutions revolve around restriction and deprivation? "Eat less, stop this, work harder, give up x, y and z." There are many people in the world who'd like nothing better to diminish pleasure and tell us that we're not good enough. Why sign up for that job?
I haven't seen any resolutions on our site to be kinder to ourselves, commit to pleasurable activities or indulge in self-care. Why not? Having productive, health enhancing goals is admirable and necessary, but where's the fun?
I don't have the answers. I'm just engaging in a free associative ramble about one of the many things I think about from time to time. My guilt free resolution is to have a 90-minute therapeutic massage appointment once a month. I don't need community support. I know where to find Kiril.
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Hey, that's an idea! You're right-- everyone is always like, "no more this..." and "no more that..."
How about just more, more, more....Focusing on what we don't want, creates more of the same...
I want more toe-curling experiences, I want that giddy feeling that I get when I know that I've nailed the scene, I want more fun and excitement, more travel and adventure. I want more LOVE in all areas of my life.
Resolutions are so 2007 and such a chore to write! But guilt-free resolutions are a-la-mode...I can go on forever...more goodwill, more cheer, more compassion, more hugs and smiles, and like my mentor in Buddhism Daisaku Ikeda says,
"Let us give something to each person we meet: joy, courage, hope, assurance or philosophy, wisdom, a vision for the future. Let us always give something."
This year, I'm going to give to receive!
more joy, more laughs, more fun..
more experiences, more interesting interactions, more meeting strangers..
more love, more hope, more understanding..
MORE LIVING..
Thank you for brining this to our attention.
beth |community coordinator | life coach |seeker of knowledge|
Hi Tara,
Thanks for stimulating more discussion about resolutions as we enter the new year. So far I must say that 2008 has been my BEST YEAR EVER! :)
On a more serious note, I'd like to see the idea of making "resolutions" (at whatever time of year) be focused on what is called the "Will to Meaning," that is, the authentic commitment to meaningful values and goals. To the extent that people focus their attention on meaning, as opposed to pleasure- or power-seeking goals and objectives, the likelihood of sustaining one's passion for life (and work) increases dramatically as does the likelihood that one will live an authentic and meaning-full life. The "more"of life, however, can not and will not exist without the "less" of life. Like the notion of yin and yang, how can we fully understand and fully appreciate "more" if we don't recognize and even experience "less" and vice versa? So even if people choose to resolve something that is not totally "guilt free," it's still o.k., especially if they are willing and ready to accept the consequences for their choice, as well as are willing and ready to take "corrective action" if and when the time comes. Staying aware of what one resolves and digging beneath the surface in order to discover the seeds of meaning that influence one's resolutions is hard work, to be sure! There are no quick fixes, there is no such thing as "THE SECRET." As Viktor Frankl would say, "the meaning of life IS meaning." And it is against this backdrop that each of us must evaluate our "resolutions," be they focused on "less" or "more." Why we want to achieve them is more important than how!
I'll now stop my "free associative ramble!"
Alex
Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
Author of Prisoners of Our Thoughts
Center for Meaning
223 N. Guadalupe St., #243
Santa Fe, NM 87501 USA
505.988.5235
alex@prisonersofourthoughts.com
I think that says it all.
Thanks for the comments, ladies and gent.
TJP