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Reading Relationship Roadmaps
Ask clear questions and listen to the answers. Pay attention to body language and, most importantly, pay attention to what isn't said. The answers you seek may not be forthcoming, but it's a hell of a lot better than "being surprised" six months or six years down the road.
It saves time, energy, and heartbreak. Many people become involved in long-term relationships without asking the important questions first. People give signs very early on, you need only read them.
If a man tells you by the third date that he doesn't see marriage in his immediate future, ask questions of clarity, and listen to the answers. What does "immediate future" mean? Two years? Ten years? Never?
You may develop a case of selective hearing if the desired answer isn't forthcoming, but the road signs are there.
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Try to imagine the person you want to be in ten years. Now imagine the person you think your potential partner wants to be in ten years. Does it seem likely that those two people will like each other? Will they want to both live in the city, or will one want to live in the country? Will one want to spend Saturday night with a great book under a tree in the back yard and the other one want to go to a great restaurant in a people-watching part of town?
If differences like those highlighted above seem likely, you should probably think twice about hitching your futures to a single star. One or both of you might feel you didn't live the life you wanted.
... and very farsighted. Alas, it's been my experience most couples marching down the aisle don't consider these matters and, if they do, they quickly dismiss them. Brides are usually hyper-focused on their "big day" and grooms are often wondering how the heck they got there.
Alternately, some couples may come together envisioning the same future 10 years down the road and then one or both grow or run in divergent directions. How does a couple stay on the same growth trajectory? I don't know for sure, but I think it's a mutual commitment to communication, maintaining separate and shared interests, and plain old dumb luck. Thanks for the comment, Bruce.