Can we be happy if we are living in our old “roles”, the old stories we tell ourselves about ourselves? I know someone who is convinced that s/he got a “raw deal” in childhood. Divorced parents, dysfunctional family, nobody at home cared about his/her trials and tribulations in school, nobody was ever there for him/her, etc. All of which is likely true to some degree, as it is for all of us who came from such circumstances. I see this person determined to forge a happy life, but the old victim is just under the surface all the time, waiting for the slightest injury to penetrate the thin top layer. Now this person is past 40. The “unloved victim of my family” story is pretty ingrained in every relationship this person has. How long should the anger and pain rule a life? How long does the old story that we tell ourselves serve us? Can this role accommodate personal responsibility, deeper introspection, and the contentment that comes with self discovery? Or, by definition, will it keep this person “stuck”, just short of happiness but not sure why?

Happiness takes personal responsibility. As long as we can blame someone else for what’s wrong with our lives, we don’t have to accept any responsibility, or do any work on own selves, so it’s easier – but true peace will be hard to come by. What I have learned is that when we can accept what life sends our way, and accept that our own attitude toward it is the only thing we have control over, only then are we in a position to change things. We can reap the benefits of what we accomplish for our own happiness, and for our capacity to be in relationship with others.

We often have our own "stories", the things we tell ourselves about our lives, to justify our actions or inactions toward our own well-being. The harder path toward happiness is one of personal responsibility. But it's the only one that leads where we want to end up.