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The Power of Losing
Although I had already lived 46 years by the time it happened, my life really began once I understood the purpose for my losses.
Between 1996 and 1997, I lost most of my life - people and experiences that I valued the most: In December of 1996 my step-dad died after we were told 2 weeks before that he had pancreatic cancer. My mother immediately became grief-stricken to the point where she developed one serious illness after another - for the next 8 months, until she died in August 1997 of lung cancer. During that time, she lost interest in everything. In the spring of that same year, one of my sons became very psychotic, and I was extremely worried about his survival.
Also that year, I lost a job that I'd had for 10 years, and which I loved (long story that I won't go into). And, my live-in boyfriend decided that he wanted to move on (we'd bought a house together).
In that 12-month span of time, I lost my two parents, rational contact with one of my kids, a job that supported me, my house, and my relationship.
It took me some time to understand the nature of major spiritual change; you have to lose in order to gain. I can see how the way was being paved for my spiritual growth. I am literally a different person today, with different beliefs and different ways of coping with life. I've become a happier and simpler person.
Losing so much taught me about attachment, love, loss, survival, happiness, and what is really important in life. I could not have turned into this person that I am today were it not for those life-altering events. I love myself, at last, and can trust my own judgment (most of the time). I tend to think more deeply about outcomes, and I am careful to choose my battles. I no longer experience the same level of anger that I used to feel, not only because I've worked most of it out, but also because I won't put myself in those anger-provoking situations anymore.
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To strengthen my burgeoning practice of Buddhism, I found these wonderful podcasts that are a delight to listen to.
The other day, I learned that Buddhism's primary concern is with victory/defeat in life or with winning in daily life. The practice of Buddhism is a practice of riding the waves of life; where dramas are meant to enable us to develop our lives.
Your most challenging year was the most rewarding. You definitely had the insight to transform defeating situations into empowering experiences.
Wow!
I can see the truth in the statement that "Buddhas bring out their highest potential at all times..." So that circumstances will reflect a new reality or a new level of understanding.
Thanks for sharing.
Hello, again! I am familiar with some of the aspects of Buddhism, since my daughter practices it. Of all the religions that I know anything about, I think it comes closest to reflecting whatever "truth" may be.
Freud thought the root of psychopathology was the inability to grieve. Your courage to face your losses is an inspiring example of good mental health. Your ability to grieve is a strength that life has forced you to develop. I'm sorry that these things happened to you but I'm happy to see who you have become because of them. In grieving our losses we make room in our hearts for new love. I hate the pain of grieving, but there is no other way to move on from lost love. Grieving feels bad, so people often mistake the experience of grief as meaning that something bad is happening to them so they feel a pressure to rush or deny their feelings. Thank you for sharing such a courageous example of how to face loss in life, and for pointing us all to the importance of grief in making us whole.
Dr. Baker, thank you for your comments. I agree with you. Grieving is such a big part of life - without opposites, we would have no balance and nothing to compare happiness to.
I love the concept of Jesus as therapist! I've always believed that he was a teacher extraordinaire, and that so many have absolutely misinterpreted his teachings and his very purpose.