The Places That Scare You
Or in this case, the places that scared me. Can you relate?
As you seek a loving partner, consider your first partner as yourself. Look into your heart and ask yourself, would you date you? Are you avoiding things in your life that scare you? Are you bringing those same fears to your relationships with others?
My scary places included:
Intimacy - In to me you see - not happening. I did not even want to look at my stuff, let alone share myself with someone else.
Control - I had to have it all. End of subject.
Assuming Responsibility - This was a catch 22. I wanted all of the control, but I wanted no responsibility for things if the relationship was in trouble because of my stuff.
And guess what, every relationship I was in, I attracted partners that mirrored my stuff, to the T. Sound familiar?
Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, shares ‘The essence of bravery is being without self-deception. However, it’s not so easy to take a straight look at what we do.'
You can read more of her wisdom in her book 'The Places That Scare You~ A Guide To Fearlessness In Difficult Times'
I have been married three times and divorced twice. It took me a while to take a straight look.
What is your experience of the places that scare you, and how has it affected your relationships? Are you ready to take a straight look?
Going into those scary places is not easy. Consider enlisting support thru a compassionate friend, spiritual advisor, coach, or professional therapist. I chose couples coaching. And guess what, I did it with my ex-husband. I also began a deeper spiritual journey with myself through mantra, and meditation. Meditation is a powerful tool to cultivate compassion and loving kindness for those scary places. It can be a natural seat for healing.
I remarried my second husband in 2004, our children were part of our ceremony.
Each day, I choose awareness.
Be aware of these places within you, explore them, shift them, and you'll likely find your dating life much more joyful and fulfilling.