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For some time now, I have felt as though my exterior doesn’t accurately reflect my interior. Because of this, I sometimes act differently then what I internally know to be true of myself. Now, as silly as this may sound, it was in fact happening. And I also find that sometimes people judge me to be quite different then I actually am. While I can dismiss other people’s judgements, I do mind feeling… misunderstood. Finally, I had enough, so I did something tonight; I cut off my hair. Now before you gasp, not all of it, but enough.
For the first time ever I sat in the barber shop (yes, I get my hair cut at a barber shop which also doubles as a tattoo parlor) without much direction, I just knew it needed to go. With every cut, I could feel the outer shell being stripped away. It was fantastic. Instead of being scared, I was relieved. Instead of worrying, I felt proud to have taken the leap. A few hours later (yes, highlights take some time), I walked out of there grinning ear to ear and walked along the streets of Venice feeling as though people were for the first time actually seeing the real me. Later that night, I came home, took a bath and proceeded to lounge around the house naked. Now I know for some, this may be a regular occurrence (and if so, I applaud your nakedness). For me, something about it never felt quite right... and now, it does. I feel powerful. I feel strong. I feel like I just took an enormous step in the right direction. I feel ready to shout out to the world saying, “Hey take a look at me cause you ain’t seen nothing yet!”
It is important to be true to who you are and feel comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes taking a step on the outside can really have a huge effect on how you feel on the inside.
Great post Beth. I often feel the same way. But I have my reasons for not breaking out of that cookie-cut shell as thoroughly as you have just yet. Oh, it'll happen. And when it does, I'll have every detail down, including a couple new tattoos. Just kidding. No, I'm not. Yes, I am....See, I'm still confused about it and hesitant to share my plans. Can't wait to see your Rockin' new look! And good for you for loungin' naked...ha!
You go girl! Sounds like it was quite liberating. I've been thinking about cutting ALL of my hair off. I have never done it before and I'm really curious. My hair has been a source of pride for a long time. In high school and college I would have it in all kinds of cuts and looks, from elvis to sonic the hedgehog. So for that reason, it's been a bit high-maintenance. It seems like cutting it all off would just make it so easy to deal with. Hmmm. :)
Beth, what an awesome post -- a real inspiration. I get what you are saying about the outside not really matching the inside. I grew up feeling that way and still deal with that feeling from time to time. What you did took courage on all fronts and sent a powerful message. Well done!! Hey, keep us posted, please. :)
Thanks for all of your great comments and support.
I really do believe that each of us knows when its time to change. I thought about cutting my hair a day earlier, but I didn't want to "THINK" about it, so I had to say to myself (all 1000 times) it popped into my head, "Nope, we're not thinking, we're going with what we know to be true." And I'm so glad I did.
Ironically right after I wrote that post, I kept repeating the phrase, 'You ain't seen nothing yet' to the universe.
That night, I was awoken by my first ever Earthquake.
I guess the universe heard me!
Watch out!
beth |community coordinator | life coach |seeker of knowledge|
Stepping into our authentic sefl takes a great deal of courage. Sometimes we need an external way to confirm to ourselves that we have the courage -- as a woman, I think a drastic haircut takes a lot of courage. Once you "showed" yourself that you do have what it takes -- well, the Universe just keeps reflecting that back to you. Way to go!
Peace and Light,
Teri Johnson
Spiritual Life Coach
Guiding You Into Authenticity with Grace
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