i have a really big crush on my kind of boss i want him to notice me. he is really friendly with me but he is also a bit older than me, what should i do?

I can relate to facing the boss crush every day ! (Quitting is not always an option, tempting though :)
It's going on a year now! Sighhhh
Finally found out he does have a girlfriend that he had never mentioned, so felt it only fair to her that I back off with any flirting?
I've tried to get over it but as soon as I see him I'm weak.
I'm glad I don't drink anymore (too many past unwise choices while drinking)
Anyway, I have sent plenty of "I'm into you" signals and if he does not make the first move then he is as the movie goes "just not that into me".
Sincerely,
In love with the boss

yes, change your job if you can or stop fantasizing, grow up and get over him... but mostly quit your job...it must be painful to be confronted with this everyday

This crush that Im having for my boss is developing more and more each day. The fact that he is 20 years older makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I have never been attracted to an older man before, let alone a boss. Is there something wrong with me? I love my boyfriend who I have been with for couple of years. I have been working for this boss for about a year plus and somehow I cant stop thinking about him and feel like melting all the time when he talks to me. I dont think he feels the same way about me, yet everyday I look forward to coming to work becos of him. I think Im really silly to be having a crush on my very much older boss but I dont understand why Im so attracted to him. Any advice?

I have a crush on my boss who is 20 years older than me and I never thought I would ever be in that position but here I am. I have a boyfriend and I feel guilty having a crush on my boss.

After having made the first move and having been 'moved upon'
I most def prefer men to approach me. They respect you for holding back. I have actually seen men shift the responsibility of the relationship's quality - beginning and ending if you make the initial approach. I have heard inane comments like: " You kissed me first - so I assumed that you weren't looking for something serious.' [what?]

So, while I will smile and be friendly, I now will wait for the man to suggest the next step. I sometimes have my younger guy friends 'translate or read into' the dating rituals/code, especially if I'm approached by a much younger man - I get mixed messages and it's so easy to misread intentions.
But that's another conversation --- and I think I'll start it.

Under the whole 'modern man' pose there lurks old fashioned values...and ingrained philosophies and rituals that are best observed...guys, comments are welcome, please!
And to comment to the 'Dating Your Boss' [or coworker] Big No-No unless you have skin like an elephant, and a backup job solution.
Freelancers might get away with it better than full-timers.
In my experience, this stuff goes south faster than the swallows in winter. It's thrilling while it lasts, and God knows you can keep a close eye on them...but when it's ovah, and you have to work side by side with some sense of dignity and mutual civility - regardless of the circumstances of the break-up - whoa, good luck.

First, great post and great response. Juicy topic and provocative commentary. I've been starving for this.

No one likes to be rejected; neither men nor women. I'd feel sorry for men in that the onus of making the first move is usually on them, but they have the world by the b--ls in so many other ways, so too bad.

There's a great line from an old B film, The Truth about Cats & Dogs: "Disappointment doesn't kill. Rejection kills. Disappointment only maims." I saw this film almost a decade ago, but it rang so true that I remember it to this day.

Rejection feels awful, no matter who you are. Most things roll off my back in just about every area of life; every area, but the romantic. Romantic rejection used to paralyze me, sending me into a tailspin that lasted for months; now it just makes me limp (straight into my cave to lick my wounds) for a few days.

So who should make the first move? Whomever has the most nerve and verve. It's strange, the more I care, the more difficult it is for me to work up the courage. When I have a frivolous, transient crush, it's no big deal. Sure, liquid courage is an option, but I still adhere to the old-fashioned belief that if a man is truly interested, he will scale any wall, fight any dragon or get over any shyness to let you know. If he isn't capable, do I really want to be with a guy who can't muster the b--ls to tell me what he wants? Probably not. What else can't he communicate?

Confidence is a turn on. So is vulnerability. When a man makes the first move (so long as it's not done in a heavy-handed, macho, creepy fashion), it's both confident and vulnerable, which is one heady, sexy combo.

TJP

It's too easy to say that men have to initiate everything.

We live in a new world. A self service world. gotta help yourself. Speak up or go solo.

It's tough to make the first move. There's that age-old risk of rejection. Zoe's story shows how tough it is for a woman to make the first move. Alcohol is needed as a morale reinforcement and social lubricant.

I say, more power to her for speaking up. So what if her uptight boss fired her sorry ass? At least she got that experience and lived to tell the tale.

Guys! The devil never came out. She didn't jeopordize her relationship with her man. She truly, madly, deeply loves him, and if you want to admit it or not, everyone has a fantasy. Does everyone have the guts to come out into the open with it? No...but liquid courage will do a lot for you. Hence the fact that you NEED TO FOLLOW THE DON'TS. If she was single things would be a lot different. She would have grown horns, and the happy ending would come true. But as I stated she has a boyfriend. This story could lead to controversy, but that is what makes it so juicy. The bottom line is that neither A or B happened. There's a gray line in between. It states "Things are better left unsaid. As if it never happened." Love you guys. Thanks for liking my writing.

Should men always take the lead? Or should women drop that fear already? Some women think that they're not being feminine if they take control of the situation. While there are men who would play submissive in a heartbeat, if given the chance.

I think that role-reversals are always fun to explore, even though at heart, I'm conservative by nature ( My good-friends laugh incredulously at that last statement.) If I really like someone, I need assurance that the feeling is mutual before going in for the kill. However, that doesn't hinder me from shifting into over-drive in my "attracting" mode.

Men attack, while women attract. That's the standard, no? I wonder what everyone thinks on this one. I'd also like to hear from any men who prefer a "submissive" woman who likes being man-handled. It speaks volumes about our society.

Women can be both fiercely strong and in possession of a delicate femininity. I think that's ideal.

fueling some really intense, um... quality alone time...

I think I see a new little group forming in this thread. Amanda, Zoe & Tara- you're some ladies I'd love to trade war stories with.

...my answer, I don't care what she says. Great story, by the way, Zoe. Sure, all fantasies don't necessarily come true, but something tells me this one did. I'll also be open to the fact that it may be wishful thinking on my part. Nonetheless, it was good....

Let's not jump to conclusions. Lots of us have fantasies that don't come to fruition. If I had a dime for every fantasy I have that hasn't come true, I'd still have student loans. Clarification: I have LOTS of student loans.

I've had dozens of non-productive, unwise crushes. In most cases, I regret not pursuing them. Life is short. If you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, why not go for it? In this instance, it seems like Zoe knew doing the deed would hurt her boyfriend and didn't go there. Of course, I don't think Zoe's going to fess up and good for her.

I have a couple of crushes right now. I don't think they're inappropriate, it's just that I abhor making the first move. We all have our hang-ups, don't we?

Here's to wishful thinking...

or else you wouldn't be talking about it....and i think you liked it! Good for you, your fantasy came true.

I tried using an accent aigu. Will it work after I click Submit? Love your fresh voice on the site and am happy you're here. I suppose you're going to leave us in suspense. I think that's great!

I wonder what our career coaches have to say about this predicament? Anyone have some platitudes to offer?

Thanks again, Zoe. I hope no matter what happened that you cam out ON TOP.

Best,
TJP

Definitely not a good way to attempt to get a raise, or promotion. haha

I F&%*$ loooove you! Only you zoe!

We will have to see about that. As for A or B? It's up to your boss baby. Douche or no douche, that is the question. : )

... something that you may have some firsthand experience with. So what happened? A or B? You gotta tell us.