Say to your partner, "Have I ever made you feel that I don't admire and respect you more today than when we first met?" After your partner finishes picking his jaw up off the floor, add: "Look, just because I take out the stress I feel from our kids, my job, your and my parents, etc. on you because you're safe, doesn't mean that I don't feel lucky to have you in my life. And if I've never let you know that, I've been wrong. AND I AM SORRY."

When you proactively empathize with a person about something they are legitimately critical towards you about, you bypass your becoming defensive had they been the one to point it out to you, you relieve tension and ease anger they're feeling towards you, they will lower their walls and they will feel grateful to you.