Oh, Just Deal With It!

Posted by Pam Thomas on November 13, 2007 6:58 AM PST

Recommend this? YES NO

Not too long ago I was having kind of a tough time so I turned to a friend for a bit of support. Rather than render support, my friend (bless her) proceeded to “jump my case” for what she felt was dismissive behavior. She let me know that my trying to see the bright side was not cool and was just a way of avoiding how I felt. She also let me know that I am being real when I am sitting in my own crap.

Not real? Avoidance? Whoa Nelly! That did not sit well with me and I honestly felt like I was being scolded.

You see, I used to bitch and moan A LOT! If something went wrong every body and their dog knew about it. I would feel sorry for myself for days on end – slinging crap at everyone and everything. What did that get me? NADA! ZIP! ZELCH! NOTHING! Well, no wait, that’s not entirely true; it got me deeper in my own crap and the stink spread to others. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

Today, when I am faced with an adverse situation I choose (yep, because I have a choice) to feel the feelings and then try to find the positive take away. Not because I am trying to dismiss the issue at hand, nor stuff it in the corner with the dust bunnies. I’m not. I’ve just found that I deal better that way -- I actually learn and move through the issue much faster.

The truth is, everyone has their own way of dealing with adversity and it’s important to respect a person’s process for processing. It also OK to sit in your own crap sandbox, but it’s not OK to sling crap at others for slinging sake. Remember, we are all unique individuals and that is a good thing. Which means we all deal with things differently – there is no cookie cutter way. If your process is working for you, if it helps you to move through a negative situation, then embrace it and use the hell out of it. I know I will.

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1 Comments

..and break things, and yell, slam doors, and practically stomp my feet while vitriolic speech came spewing forth. That was how I processed pain because I didn't know else to cope with it. That's what I was taught and if I didn't break the cycle, I'd pass the tradition on to my own kids.

Remember the "Precious Moments" illustrations? There's a children's Bible with these characters, they're adorable. Anyway, I've got a t-shirt that has two Precious Moments characters, boy and girl. The girl is sitting down, spanking the boy over her knee. They both have such sweet smiles on their face and the words beneath the image read, "you always hurt the ones you love."

For a long time, that was my favorite t-shirt. I fundamentally believed that love and pain were intertwined. Looking at where that belief stemmed from and changing it was the probably one of the biggest choices that has served me well.

Great story Pam and yes, it's quite simple. If it doesn't feel good, then the choice is yours to change it!