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New Celebrity Career: Bad Judgment Bodyguard
I'm not a football fan. Invariably, I end up watching it twice a year: Thanksgiving Day and whatever Superbowl party I grudgingly agree to attend. This Thanksgiving during one of the commercial breaks, the conversation turned to Michael Vick.
For those of you who don't know, Michael Vick is the NFL player (don't ask me which team) who recently went to jail (surrendered himself) for cruelty to animals/illegal dog fighting. Sorry, I can't be bothered to Google the particulars. You can read the Yahoo news page for information.
My friends pondered why Vick might surrender himself into custody prior to sentencing. Hypotheses included: to show remorse; to reduce his sentence for time already served and, my theory, because his agent and/or attorney told him to. All agreed this was the most likely scenario.
One friend asked, "Presumably, Vick has an agent who makes money off of him. If you were his agent, wouldn't you hire someone to keep him away from dogs in order to protect your investment?"
I replied, "He needs a bodyguard; a bad judgment bodyguard."
A bad judgment bodyguard isn't the typical celebrity bodyguard. A bad judgment bodyguard doesn't protect you from fans. A bad judgment bodyguard protects you from yourself.
Life coaches have had their day. I mean, can you imagine handing Brit, Lohan, Nicole, Vick or OJ an action plan or a daily affirmation? It wouldn't even register a blip on the radar screen. This is brand new uncharted professional territory; a whole new field. If you're a celebrity with borderline average IQ and your superego is on permanent vacation, you need a bad judgment bodyguard.
It's definitely the right time for this new profession. Young Hollywood is in a downward spiral and steroid addled professional athletes can always be counted on for acts of date rape, infidelity, gambling and violence. Let's not forget rockers and rappers and Republican US Senators cruising airport men's rooms. There are dozens of public figures desperately in need of a bad judgment bodyguard today!
Good bad judgment bodyguard candidates include those people who are always the designated driver, the keymaster, have their own set of handcuffs for when "just saying no" isn't enough, know how to do 5-point restraints and can turn a deaf ear to crying, tantrums, manipulation and threats.
Does this sound like you? Don't hesitate. There are celebrities crashing and burning as you read this. They need you. They were born without the good judgment gene. They almost always make the wrong decision and, therefore, must now forfeit their right to make any decisions. This is your job now. Are you ready?
comments
Hi Tara,
I like the idea of a "bad judgment bodyguard" if, for no other reason, than to protect other people (and animals) from these "unfortunate" souls. However, even the very best of intentions are not enough. More importantly, such intentions may get in the way of our desired outcome(s)!
I'm a firm believer in the notion of "personal responsibility." Indeed, if I agreed to be one of these "celebrity" bad judgment bodyguards, I have no doubt that I'd be fired within a nanosecond! On the other hand, protecting people from themselves, especially if they are not significantly disabled in some way or are without resources to seek help for themselves, does not further a sense of personal responsibilty for one's attitudes, choices, and actions. When people do not have to realize (or even "suffer") the consequences of what they think and do, it can actually have the exact opposite effect! In Logotherapy, this is referred to as "paradoxical intention" or, as I describe in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, the tendency to "work against ourselves" in spite of our best intentions.
On this point, the Viennese psychiatrist and philosopher, Viktor Frankl, warns us that “freedom threatens to degenerate into mere license and arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness.” And even though Dr. Frankl enjoyed his time spent in America and admired a great deal about it, he was not shy about criticizing the popular understanding of some cherished American values, such as our notion of freedom. He took exception, for instance, to what appeared to be a commonly-accepted view of equating freedom with a license to do virtually anything that one wants. On the contrary, to Dr. Frankl, freedom without responsibility is an oxymoron. That is why he liked to say that “the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast should be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast.”
To be sure, the financial and related resources that so many celebrities enjoy (including those who you suggest might benefit from a bad judgment bodyguard) creates the impression that they are more "free" than everyone else and thereby more able to do what they want, whenever they want to. This is obviously not necessarily the case, especially when personal responsibility is sacrificed for either the "will to pleasure" or the "will to power."
You can change without growing, but you can't grow without changing. It is time to help the people to whom you are referring "grow" up, which means that they have to be held responsible for the consequences of their attitudes and behaviors, as sad as they may appear to or actually be.
I recall watching an interview not long ago with Tony Orlando, the singer, who had been through some incredibly "bad" and "hard" times. In his own words, Tony said, "When I reached bottom, I was forced to look up!" If we had "protected" Tony from making bad judgments (and, by the way, haven't we all made such judgments? I know that I have!), he may not have experienced the kind of personal transformation that he described in his interview.
Meaning-fully,
Alex
Thanks for the earnest comment, Alex, but I was actually having a bit of fun. My blog was an indirect nod to Swift's An Immodest Proposal. While I didn't go into great detail in my entry, my friends and I took the concept of a bad judgment bodyguard down the slippery slope to the most absurd conclusion. Guess you had to be there.
It's impossible to monitor another person every minute and, yes, theoretically, we learn by making mistakes and accepting personal responsibility. However, let's face it, it's a pretty steep learning curve for some folks.
I like Frankl's argument that freedom without responsibility is an oxymoron and/or the Bush-Cheney administration's motto. I've only lived in LA for 5-1/2 months, but I think having a "Statue of Responsibility" on the West Coast is definitely an oxymoron!
Sadly, we live in a culture of professional victimhood and blame shifting. (I have a blog entry on this subject matter titled, The Power of Professional Victimhood). Ironically, there is a kind of freedom in never accepting personal responsibility: Nothing is ever your fault, other people have to clean up your messes and you get to hold "loved ones" hostage because they've "wronged" you. The only catch is that you're the psychological equivalent of a toddler inhabiting the body of an adult for the rest of your life.
Best,
TJP
Thanks, Tara. You're right, I guess that I had to be there to understand how you came to your "conclusion."
This said, I still don't believe that "true freedom" exists by never accepting personal responsibility.
If, as you say, "Nothing is ever your fault, other people have to clean up your messes and you get to hold 'loved ones' hostage because they've "wronged" you," then everyone involved in such situations, in effect, are being held "hostage" and are "prisoners of their thoughts!"
All the best,
Alex
I think it is actually all of us that needs the bodyguard!
I would like a bad judgment bodyguard for the news that comes to me. Could this bodyguard protect me from grocery store tabloid headlines?
Could the bodyguard protect me from Lindsey being the number on search on the web. Maybe the bodyguard could shield me at Thanksgiving dinner from the endless Michael Vick banter.
If I ordered the upgrade to the bodyguard, he could inform me that in regard to cruelty of animals there are 3 times as many animal shelters in our country than homeless shelters.
He could also inform me of the damage of allowing kids to worship and idolize steroid induced athletes. Yes I know Barry Bonds is in trouble, but do you really think anything will happen to him? They certainly won't take back his money!
My bad judgment bodyguard could also explain to me how lying to congress by athletes is ok. How being involved in murder or domestic abuse of women warrants a starting position on pro sports teams.
I think we all need to think next time at the water cooler and maybe bring up a topic that has a bit more substance rather than substance abuse. Or else we are all in need of the bad judgment bodyguard.
Hi Alex,
Yes, of course, I agree with you regarding the absence of freedom when living the life of a professional victim / adult toddler. I was using sarcasm when I wrote, "the only catch is..."
Being dependent upon others to change your diapers (i.e., clean up your messes) is not freedom; it's utter dependence. It's an illusion and a delusion. I guess my jokes aren't that funny if I'm the only one who gets them.
Best,
TJP
Thrilled to hear from my favorite "PeopleJammer" (groan). I agree, I agree, and, oh, by the way, I agree.
Dead prostitutes and dead dogs and drug abuse- hmm. I was about to say something snarky regarding the decline of civilization and then I remembered the Roman practice of keeping the mob happy with free booze and over the top spectacles at the Colosseum. It's all been done before. It's the 21st-century Circus Maximus.
Perhaps it's a plot to keep us sedated and distracted from the real issues? I reckon it's working. Thank god for Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart.
You're the best!
TJP
I don't think just celebrities should be the ones with this body guard you speak of. I think we need to have a new type of test, like an IQ test, but only to test your intelligence in COMMON SENSE. Here's a sample question.
When your baby cries it means:
A. It is hungry
B. It wants to be cooked in the oven/microwave
C. Throw it in a dumpster
If you get one question wrong you need a brain transplant.
Also I think the agents of these retarded celebrities rely on the negative publicity of their clients to keep the big bucks in the bank. Why is Britney's agent not staging an intervention? Because if she's out of the lime light people will slowly forget about her... like Mischa Barton. Yeah you know that chick from the OC, that OD'd on memorial day. Ever since that disaster someone flipped a switch, and we haven't heard any kind of dramz about her.
Granted it's only been a few months, but in Hollywood land that is an eternity.
Can someone please tell me how to correct spelling errors once posted - or even how to delete a posting?
Thaaaaanks!
Excellent suggestion - your concept reminds me of the HBO series Entourage. The star's best friend is also his manager and keeps him out of trouble most of the time.
Sadly, Michael Vick is a former Virginia Tech college football star and if you see a similarity b/n my VT logo, you can ascertain where I went to school as well. I actually met him a few times on campus, and appeared to be a decent guy. Appearances aren't everything unfortunately.