By my own admission I was dragged kicking and screaming into the world of networking. Many people who know me do not believe this, but by nature I’m a very reserved person. I am perfectly comfortable being alone, I don’t seek out parties and I don’t instinctively feel the compulsion to blow my own horn.

I also knew that in order to succeed in business, particularly as a speaker, I’d better learn to be more comfortable in social settings, I’d better learn to enjoy parties and most of all, I better learn how to toot my own horn once in a while! To me that couldn’t mean becoming brash or obnoxiously self-promoting, but I also learned that I could not do much good for others if I was going to hide my light under the proverbial bushel basket!

Networking is about revealing your true and sincere value to the world and the people who can benefit from knowing you. It’s about becoming an important part of the lives of other people; for their benefit as well as yours.

So, how to you do it?

First, networking is NOT SALES!!! Did I shout that loud enough?

Networking is NOT ABOUT REFERRAL QUOTAS! I may get angry replies from some well-established networking organizations, but quotas are crap. Quotas force insincere referrals. Frankly, through networking groups I’ve met more people I wouldn’t refer than people I would. It’s not that I couldn’t make the quotas: I wouldn’t make the quotas. I only refer people I feel good about.

Be the Ninja. Infiltrate yourself into your networking opportunity. Networking is the art of establishing genuine relationships.

Networking is a subtle art. It needs to be approached with care and gentility. This realization was very comforting to me; I love to talk with people, I’m just not naturally comfortable with talking about myself. That’s OK, the key to effective networking is listening to the other guy. I’m a sucker for a great story and I love to hear about what other people are doing, where they came from and what they want to do with their lives. These are all great openers for developing a sincere and valuable relationship and that’s really what networking is all about.

Once the conversation is engaged, it will come around to your story. That’s when you need to become comfortable with presenting yourself with pride and confidence. Do you do business with people who are insincere or lack confidence in their product or service? Would you recommend a weak person to others? Duh! Assuming you’re doing something important and useful to others, simply practice talking about yourself and your occupation with confidence. If you need help with that, give me a call!

Networking is simply being open to engaging in conversation with other people. Do it everywhere at any time! You don’t need a formal networking event to network; I’ve learned to network anywhere, anytime.

I just did a quick visit to New York to appear on a major radio program. See, that’s not bragging, I’m just telling you what I did with pride and confidence! Now you know a little more about me and I still didn’t try to sell you anything. At any rate, I made a promise to myself to great everyone I could with a smile and engage in polite conversation.

I thought I was going to be the only guest on my segment of the radio show. When I was escorted into the studio there were two other people as well as Joey Reynolds, the host. What a great opportunity! I smiled and introduced myself to the other guests; turns out I’m on a panel with the editor of the New York Sun and one of New York’s leading intellectuals. Nice contacts to have, I’d say!

I made no sales that evening; I made some friends!

After the show I decided to have a toddy at my hotel bar. A couple sat down next to me at the bar and overhearing their conversation I found out they had just driven from Detroit to see their daughter perform at Carnegie Hall. What an icebreaker! We talked about what a thrill it must be to see their daughter realize such a dream. We talked about sports. We talked about small business and even some politics.

The man, it turns out, leads a large sales and technical force for a major business machine manufacturer. What an opportunity to make a sale for my speaking business! NOT!!!

I made no sales; I made two more friends. Had I attempted to make a sale I’m sure the conversation would have ended. These folks were focused on their daughter’s accomplishment and were exhausted from their long trip. They appreciated the pleasant conversation and we got to know one another.

And…they met America’s Instigational Speaker!

Will these contacts become clients? Maybe. I know they enjoyed my company and I enjoyed theirs. I got to know them so if the opportunity comes I’ll know a little better how I might serve them. I know they’ll visit my website and will probably join my mailing list. I know they’ll tell others about me. I know they’ll remember me because we had a great time. That’s what networking is all about.

So, put on a smile, fill your pocket with business cards and go out and meet someone! Don’t expect anything but pleasant conversation. Establish a relationship and over time the rest will come.

Jim Bouchard is America's Instigational Speaker and author of Dynamic Components of Personal Power.