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My Grandma is a Racist. Sweet Potatoes, Anyone?
Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go! When you sit down to Thanksgiving dinner, be grateful for your family, food, grateful for everything in your life and be ESPECIALLY thankful you're not going to my grandma' house for turkey dinner!
OK. You're driving down the road, listening to music. It's a nice day. You have your windows down, so the whole neighborhood can listen too. You come to a four-way stop right next to a white Nissan Maxima. You look over and see this weird looking old woman wearing a bicycle helmet, goggles, a wig, and a doctors mask. You exam her like she's from another planet or maybe she's on her way to deliver her second grandchild.
Well, I have bad news for you, no, she's not delivering any kids that day and she's not from another planet that I know of. She's dressed like that because she's my grandma and that's her everyday apparel. Hot, huh? What a fashion statement. Well, no, not really, she's just my grandma. The helmet is for in case she gets into a car accident. The mask is so she doesn't inhale any polution. The wig is because she's recovering from cancer and I dont know why she wears the goggles. God, a doctors mask- all she needs is a white glove and you would think she's a Michael Jackson fan.
Go ahead. Make fun of her. She deserves it! Why you ask? "Shes just an innocent old lady making a fashion statement!" NO, not exactly. My whole life, I've listened to her racist, close-minded views. My whole life, all I've heard from her is "your ugly", "your too skiny", "you dont look jewish....you nazi" "You homo". Yeah, thats right she called me a GERMAN NAZI and ugly. And even though she calls me a homo, she still doesn't believe im gay, despite my "sorry girls, I suck d--k" tee shirt I wore everday when I was 17-years old. Well, I think she needs help, so if any of the coaches could help I would be thankful.
Right before I moved out here, we spent a little "quality time" together. I was sitting at the table and she was in the living room watching Wheel of Fortune, "WHEEL! ... OF! ... FORTUNE!" and then she did a seated little grandma dance on the couch.
There was this sweet, overweight black lady on that night. It was her turn to spin the wheel. "Land on bankrupt! LAND! ON! BANKRUPT!" my grandma yelled. "She doesn't deserve to win". wtf? I couldnt believe she said that. The lady spun the wheel and all the co-contestants started clapping, anticipating where the wheel would stop. "HAHA Look. She's so fat and her arms are so short she can't even clap her hands together!" WOW... I was shocked and speachless. "Why is she so mean"? I thought. At that point, I was waiting for my grandma to dress in a white robe and hoodie and light a cross on fire in my back yard. I couldnt take it anymore so I left and went to my room.
Love everyone regardless of their views. Most people only get two grandmas in their life. They are family, so love them the best you can no matter how weird or crazy they might be. Just because they're f&*cked up doesn't mean you have to believe what they believe, but you can still love them anyway. Be thankful and happy turkey day!!!!
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MTN, you're the blog equivalent of "The Wild Ride of Mr. Toad." I laughed so hard at the LAND! ON! BANKRUPT! strange fluid secretions leaked from the corners of my eyes. I've heard others refer to them as "tears."
Oh baby, it's terrifying how the people who are supposed to love us and that we're supposed to trust as children are often so f*$ked up. You should be proud for not adopting her belief system. You're also wise beyond your years for still loving her and trying to accept her for who she is.
She's probably a product of her times and upbringing, but that's not an excuse and doesn't make it any easier.
Try to enjoy the cranberry sauce, at least, if not I recommend heavily spiking the mulled cider.
SOS
PS Could you ask her what the goggles are for? I'm dying of curiosity...
And another crazy story to boot! You were born to blog.
NT
Thank you for incredibly nice comment. Its nice to know that my only talent involves entertaining others with my f***ked up stories. Believe me I wish I could get paid for this.
thank you
matthew
Love you!!
Every family has their own version of this. Thanks for the holiday chuckle, MTN.
My staunchly Catholic, 93-year old grandmother has beliefs that make me shake my head in disbelief. She's absolutely a product of her generation and religious upbringing. Plus, at 93, she's not likely to change any time soon, so why waste my breath?
I accept her for who she is and have found subtle ways to cope with her over the years. For instance, one summer, I sent her a post card of Pope John Paul II kneeling in front of the Madonna Shrine at the Benedictine Abbey in Einsiedeln, CH.
Memère loves pope paraphernalia and was delighted to receive the card. What you may not know is that the Benedictine Abbey is the shrine of the Black Madonna. It was carved out of a particular type of white wood that underwent a chemical change. It turned black after being exposed to oxygen for a number of years (trust me, Swiss monks did NOT carve a black Virgin Mary 400 years ago) It delighted me to send my Memère a post card of Pope PJ II kneeling at the feet of a black woman. Win-win.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
TJP
These statues are found scattered throughout Europe's most sacred sites. She's found in Sicily, Spain, Switzerland, France, Poland, Czechoslovakia as well as in Turkey and in Africa. In Asia, she's Tara and in India, she's Kali. In Mexico, she's Our Lady of Guadalupe, who is brown.
There are many theories and old-wives-tales out there (it took pages from my journal to simply track them all) that venture to explain why her skin is black. For example, an elderly woman from France might tell you that her skin turned black because of the many candles burned around her. Some say meteorites are responsible. Once again, science steps in to rationalize religious matters with its "exposed to oxygen" conclusion.
Years ago, when I first heard of La Moreneta as she is referred to in Spain, I was aghast that I had never heard of her before. Has this Madonna been kept under wraps due to ignorance and racism? That's a rhetorical question. Immediately, I submersed myself in her world in order to discover her message for humanity and to understand why she's still a mystery to so many people.
Mythology is full of the 'dark Goddesses.' Kali's black skin, for instance, symbolizes the darkness of divine mystery, which is the only place where light can hope to emerge. To dismiss the color of her skin as some random occurrence is to invalidate her vast sea of esoteric meaning.
To honor darkness is to honor the darkness within all of our hearts, it's to honor the experience of all people of color, it's to confront our fears of the dark, it's to honor and appreciate the light, it's to honor Mother Earth, who is dark, fecund, and frightening, at times.
It's to get over words such as 'white' and 'black' and 'you' and 'me' because in the end, everything, absolutely everything returns to that dark void from whence it all came; where Kali devours our silly notions of time and space from the cosmos.
She is more than a symbol, She radiates power and healing, and for me, at the time that I was living in Europe, She was a reinforcement and validation of who I am, as a spiritual woman of color. In most
Having seen one of the Black Madonnas in Switzerland, where I lived in 'uneasy 'security' [back then, I was married to a Swiss man, and it was not uncomplicated being Black and Latin in this mostly Caucasian and German speaking; my city of residences being Luzern and Zurich. ]
Thank you for reminding me of Her and that magical feeling. and of my own power as a woman of color. We need to keep reminding people of who we are as well as ourselves.
Judi
So, if ya don't wanna be called on it,
don't come to my crib!
Everybody can change.
And I think we owe it to this world to
do whatever we can to make the air
a little safer to breathe - spiritually and physically.
So grandma woulda gotten a kind little reminder that compassion is not a four-letter word and bigotry -- even if you sat with the Founding Fathers is not okay. Period.
Love the elders but I hope when I'm 80 years old and saying something lame that my grandkids don't just tolerate me - I hope they straighten my wig and said, "Yo, Gran, that ain't cool..."
Fran
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