My heart has been broken many times. The first time that I remember it being broken was when I was 13. I'd liked a brown-haired, dark-eyed boy whom I'd see at the local indoor swimming pool. He liked me too, and we flirted in a childish way in the chlorinated water on many Saturday afternoons that summer. We'd splash each other, and laugh shyly now and then.

I looked for him every week, and I was happy when I saw him walking towards me along the edge of the pool. One Saturday, he didn't show up - and I never saw him again. I was devastated!

There were other boys who also disappeared over the years, including my husband, and someone else many years later. Each time it happened I was brokenhearted all over again!

I've thought about this pattern in my life; and I've worked hard to try and heal the wounds and scars that each experience has left on my heart. I've learned a lot about human nature, mine included, and I've grown.

The most important thing that I have learned is that I can't change other people, but I can change myself. I can make different choices. I can have stronger boundaries. I can learn to discern the signs and symptoms of inappropriate behavior. I can remove myself from these behaviors before I get trapped by my emotions, and my need to fix, or help, or understand too much.

Along the way, I also learned that the first time my heart was broken, was not when I was 13. It wasn't even when I was 10, and my family was separated from my father by a continent, for 9 long months. It happened during the circumstances of my birth.

When was your heart broken for the first time?

Chris
Originally posted on 1.01.07 on my Mending Broken Hearts Project Blog