My good friend Ed Hollander is a great blogger in the making. You can catch more of his blogs at: Ed's Thought of the Day. He sure makes me think.

The Mental Masturbator - a summary of the thoughts of Ed Hollander.

The Mental Masturbator is someone we all know. They may be a relative, friend, colleague, acquaintance, etc. Everyone is affected by the Mental Masturbator at some time. There are three categories that we are concerned with: The Obsessive Mental Masturbator, the Narcissistic Mental Masturbator, and the Defensive Mental Masturbator.

Read on. See if anyone you know is a Mental Masturbator.

The Mental Masturbator (MMB) is someone we all know, and continuously drives you crazy. Avoidance is often difficult because they may be a fellow worker, friend or relative.

Initially I will discuss three types of MMB: the Obsessive MMB, the Narcissistic MMB and the Defensive MMB . Everyone can display any of these characteristics at any given time. The problem arises when their lives are totally controlled by their Mental Masturbation. Each of these individuals, are difficult to deal with and must be treated with extreme sensitivity. The difficulty is that in the Chronic Mental Masturbator they must be dealt with or avoided.

The Obsessive Mental Masturbator will talk about the same thing over and over again. Each new event is a new trauma, and they will repeat it over and over again. The Obsessive MMB is irrational, and does not have the understanding that they are affecting the few relationships they have. They will most likely give up a relationship rather than accept the existence of a problem. They will try to strengthen their positions by mentioning other people, stating that person X or Y believes what they believe. When challenged about the responses of person X or Y they become defensive, and make statements like, it never hurts to have the opinion of others, or they will continue to express the opinions of person X or Y, even after being told there is no interest in what person X or Y has to say. If they are told that there is no reason to discuss this issue, they may change the subject for a short period or they may continue on with the subject, but they will eventually resume their discussion of the subject.

How to deal with the Obsessive MMB? Avoidance is one option. Limited contact is probably the best way to deal with them, with less contact as time goes on. This may not always be acceptable depending on the relationship, because there is no good way of dealing with these individuals. Confrontation or speaking with them honestly may result in anger or they may disagree and return to their other sources. Other sources may include friends, fellow workers, or anyone they can find. At times the problem may become so extreme that they will require professional help, but they most likely will find someone that will agree with them, and they will not get the help they need. At this time reverse avoidance or reverse limited contact occurs with the person that suggested the professional help. In any case, the Obsessive MMB’s problem will never be resolved they just go on to new issues and never resolve the old issues.

The Narcissistic Mental Masturbator constantly talks about him or herself. They may also possess traits similar to the Obsessive MMB. No matter what is said to them they continue talking about themselves.

How to deal with the Narcissistic MMB? There is no good way of dealing with them. Most subjects or situations that are discussed will be turned around to them. If health issues are discussed they will turn it around to themselves. The same is true for work related issues, no one has worse working conditions than they do, and no one works with the caliber of employee they work with. Nothing ever suits them, there is always too much traffic, the food upsets their stomach, etc. It is not uncommon for an individual to be diagnosed as a Multiple MMB (Obsessive MMB and Narcissistic MMB). It is usually impossible to change the multiple MMB, spend as little time with them as possible. They will make arrangements to meet socially but in reality they would rather not leave their protective environment.

The Defensive Mental Masturbator’s are constantly trying to prove themselves, and use one up-man-ship as their modus operandi. They will thank you and in the same sentence attack you. You will never see it coming and can never prepare for it.

How to deal with the Defensive MMB? Dealing with them depends on you. The main question that you should consider is: do I care, am I really upset by their comments and is it worth dealing with? If you don’t care, don’t worry about it. If it is a situation in which the results are upsetting to you and you feel strongly that if someone is going to be upset, me, or the other person, it might as well be them. Try to be as tactful as possible. Probably the thing to do is address it in a manner which hopefully will not upset them, but you may want to ask why are they bringing it up now or why didn’t they tell you when it happened. In any case there is a good chance that this person is looking for a fight, and you are being attacked because there is no one else to attack. It is important to stand up for yourself, but remember the Defensive MMB will probably blame you, and will expect you to remedy the problem with some type of apology or other compensatory gesture. At this point it is up to you. It may involve more people than yourself, so think about them as well as yourself. Remember, there will always be conditions and they will most likely find a way to try and make you miserable.

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Edward Hollander is a registered pharmacist. He is a Certified Diabetic Manager and has counseled numerous patients in the pharmacy and physician’s office. He has almost thirty years of experience dealing with patients with all types of illnesses. He has a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology (PsyD) and his dissertation was on chronic caregivers. Edward is the son of holocaust survivors and has dealt with suicide in his own family.