The latest news regarding Britney Spears surrounding her UCLA involuntary hospitalization reminded me of something that I heard that was attributed to Marilyn
Monroe called "The Marilyn Syndrome" that I spoke about in my
book, "Get
Out of Your Own Way." It was claimed she said: "When
everybody loves you, but nobody knows you, you die of loneliness." Perhaps
we are now observing what we might call "The Britney Syndrome"
namely, "When everyone knows what's best for you, but nobody knows you,
you die of nothingness."

I have not treated Britney Spears, but I have treated people in a similar
situation where everyone around them was telling them what to do and everyone
seemed to own a piece of them except themselves. I was once doing house
calls to a dying famous, multiple Grammy winning, multi-decade successful
musician who was as known for his drugs and run ins with the law as he was for
his music. I asked him what was all his "bad" behavior
about. He told me that not only did everyone -- from his pushy mother to
agents to managers -- tell him what to do, they also took credit for all his
successes. He said that when he did drugs and behaved badly, that was the
only behavior that no one would take credit for and so that was sometimes the
only part of him that he knew belonged to him.

How can Britney begin to discover who she is from her inside out, instead of
spending all her time and energy fighting people telling her what to do and who
to be from the outside in?

There may be an opportunity for this if her dad Jamie Spears can begin to talk "with" her instead
of talking "at" her like she might be feeling everyone is doing. Here
is some "father to father" (I have three kids) advice I would like to
offer Jamie:

What Britney may need now more than anything else is to "feel
felt" as opposed to be given advice, input, etc. Her mind is too
overwhelmed -- as is yours probably -- and she needs to get past acting out,
venting, etc. to exhaling. Only when she can exhale will she lower her
guard enough to open her mind and let anyone help her. She will only be
able to exhale when she feels felt which is deeper than being figured out or
even feeling understood.

One way to help her feel felt is to
look into her eyes and in an inviting vs. inquisitional way say to her
something like: "Hey honey, how are you doing?" She may respond to
that with: "What?" because she's so on guard. If she does,
repeat it again with a very kind, patient and caring tone: "Yeah, how are
you doing? How bad is it for you? How bad does it get when it's real
bad?" Each of these kinds of questions will hopefully enable Britney to
respond with: "Not so good daddy." "Real bad."
"So bad that I don't know what to do anymore."

If she does respond with those, she will start to cry with relief, because
she will feel less alone. And then she will begin to exhale and
hopefully, when she does some of the pain she is in will lift and she will
begin to open her mind to listening.

At that point she may begin to be able to work with the people trying to
help her as opposed to fighting them.

I learned about the importance of connecting with people from their inside
out with one of the most suicidal people I had ever seen and the breakthrough
moment changed her life and my life forever.

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