Have you ever watched that scene in “When Harry Met Sally” in which Meg Ryan pretends to have an orgasm and thought to yourself, “I don’t scream like that – something must be wrong with me?” Have you picked up a copy of “Cosmo” and read all about G-spots and wondered if the “G” stands for, “Gee, I wish I could find mine?” Or on the flip side, do you feel like you’re often far more interested in “getting it on” than your partner, making you secretly concerned that you’re (dare I say it…) oversexed?

Where can you go with questions like these? Our society – as much as it places a huge emphasis on sex in advertising and media – still has a prudish fear of discussing such issues. Just look at the mixed messages we receive – Grandma always told you that sex before marriage meant no one would marry you, remember? “‘Cause if they could get the milk for free, why buy the cow?” Church told you that if you had premarital “relations” you’re just a dirty sinner, but that lovemaking after marriage is a joyous, beautiful thing. Huh? Mom didn’t say much - she and Dad just locked the bedroom door once in a while, claiming to be wrapping Christmas presents… in July.

It’s all too bad because sex is a hugely important topic in our romantic relationships. When it works, it creates an incredible bond between two people that experts say accounts for much of what holds the relationship together. When it doesn’t, it can be so devastating, making emotional intimacy and long-term success very difficult if not down-right impossible. One client described it so well to me, saying, “When it’s good it’s like sunshine – the day is beautiful and it’s so natural and everyone is happy. When it’s bad, it’s like endless rain, and everyone is depressed and all you can think about is when will the sun return?”

Sex is a hugely important topic in our romantic relationships.