Wait don't laugh! Listen to this, this is funny! Be careful what you ask for in life, it may just present itself and you may have to deal with it!

About two months ago I started to frequent a Japanese Fusion restaurant at the foot of my hometown train station. It is sweetly located outside of NYC proper and shares all the accolades of a big city hot spot without the big city jadedness that accompanies fame. I strutted in straight from a long day of work and two hours of Kung Fu training and all its sweat filled glory. I was not the 'cutest' to say the least!

This comfortable backdrop allowed me to sit at the bar most Monday evenings, which conveniently featured a full menu at half price! That did me in! YUM!
But wait, there is more. This is YUM!

My dish was always a risqué roll (tuna and eel -my favorite) and one too many lychee martinis followed by a less sweetened cucumber sake cocktail. My eager server, the lean bartender in black (lets call him Holland), and I began to chat it up. I truly enjoyed our conversations but I kept a nice guard so as to protect every ounce of what I knew was the magic LOVELUST feeling creeping in.

I was first taken by his Dutch accent, his confidence and his handsome air.
And then it got worse! He is a triathlete belted in three martial arts.
UGH!!! Holland spelled LOVELUST in the most threatening of ways! HOT! I was done. His mind, his body and his liberal spirit spoke volumes. The chemistry game was on.
We both felt it and swore to a sparring match. The date was on and I was sick to my stomach. I sought advice from my girlfriends and boyfriends. They all giggled and challenged me to be myself and take it one moment at a time. My goal was to stay in the moment and simply listen to him.

That Sunday I was totally set up by Mr. Holland to fall into deep LUST. He picked me up on a motorbike and drove from the George Washington Bridge in New Jersey to South Street Seaport in New York. I held on like a leopard to his lean athletic frame for fifteen and a half miles of speed on a bike with full on stilettos. (PS: Note to self: when riding a motor bike, always wear long boots, cover your skin, I have a nice second degree burn to prove the necessity!) Oh Mr. Holland! I felt every inch of him. I could not wait to give myself permission and welcome his energy and embrace that inevitable moment. The date started at four pm Sunday and ended at two am Monday.

Its been about two weeks now and all I can say is that we are both in this chemical bind of longing, playing, learning, challenging but mostly, allowing for fun and freedom. So far Holland claims I have 20 percent of him. I swear it's more but I am satisfied with the number twenty for the moment. I don't see myself losing myself this time because there is freedom and understanding. He respects my experience and my autonomous spirit. He respects himself. Holland and I are HOT right now at 20 percent taking it one percent at a time moving forward.

Through challenging myself, I learned that I don't need to lose myself to discover unchartered parts of myself. I can experience LOVELUST and freedom at the same time.