No matter where you are in your relationship, it's important and healthy to regularly check in on your relationship. Where are you? Where are they? Where is the relationship as a whole? I've recently been doing this very thing--I got up this morning and this blog came out of me. It was interesting...I just sat down to write a note to myself and two hours later I have this questionnaire. I'm not trying to boil the ocean, but I did want a nice baseline of the big rocks (Coveyism).

But before you go through the list, what is your blink for your relationship?

In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell teaches us that we often make better decisions with snap judgments than we do with volumes of analysis or justifications. Many times our snap judgments and first impressions offer a much better means of making sense of the world. "There's a wonderful phrase in psychology--"the power of thin slicing"--which says that as human beings we are capable of making sense of situations based on the thinnest slice of experience. The kind of thinking that happens in a blink of an eye." -Gladwell

Make a note of your blink on your relationship and then ask yourself these questions.

Ultimately it is up to you to make meaning about what your relationship is to you. Meaning and decision making are best made with good information. Here are categorical questions from various angles to help you consider the big tickets and cut to the truth. Consider using this questionnaire quarterly or biannually. Once per year seems too long to wait. And if you think this list is long, take a moment to consider the importance and influence in your life. It's a no brainer...

1. Love
a. Is our love safe, healthy, and happy?
b. Do I love who this person is now, as they are, flaws and all?
c. Am I in love with WHO they are not just what they have/provide/who they know..etc?

2. Self
a. Am I proud of who I am in this love/with this person?
b. Am I giving myself and my life to this commitment and person?
c. Am I willing to change, when important/necessary, to keep our relationship healthy and happy?

3. Future
a. Can I see myself with this person for the rest of my life?
b. Do I believe and or know we can build an amazing life together?
c. Do we share a similar vision of our future?

4. Character
a. Does this person have the character (values/morals/ethics) I want in a wife/husband?
b. Does this person have the character (accountability, responsibility, trustworthy, honest) I want in a wife/husband?
c. Do I like the way this person treats me and other people--even when no one is looking?

5. Friendship
a. Would I be friends with this person even if we weren't dating?
b. Do I enjoy their company outside of intimacy and chemistry?
c. Can I see myself in friendship with this person when we're 90?

6. Communication
a. Does this person communicate in a healthy way regardless of highs and lows?
b. Is this person open and willing to talk about any and all of our challenges?
c. Do we enjoy talking, listening, joking, solving, brainstorming, planning and sharing?

7. Growth
a. Are we growing as individuals and together?
b. Do we share a similar vision on personal and relationship growth?
c. Do we make growth a priority in our lives?

8. Parenting
a. Does this person want children?
b. Would I want this person raising my children?
c. Does my child/children love and trust this person?

9. Family
a. Do we share similar views of how family is and will be in our lives?
b. Are we creating the kind of family I am proud of?
c. Do we make time for, appreciate and honor our families?

10. Health & fitness
a. Do we share similar views on health & fitness?
b. Are we healthy individually and together?
c. Do we make health and fitness a priority in our lives?

11. Finances
a. Is this person responsible and trustworthy with money?
b. Do we have similar financial expectations?
c. Am I comfortable with the income they make today and could make tomorrow?

12. Quality of Life
a. Are we on the same page about Quality of Life?
b. Do we believe in and create a healthy balance in our lives?
c. Are we committed to what matters most? (Things like Love, family, friends, faith, growth, contribution..etc)

13. Contribution
a. Do we give or volunteer?
b. Are we doing our part to help create a better world?
c. Are we teaching our kids the importance of contribution?

14. Fun
a. Do I feel we have fun together?
b. Do we enjoy similar activities, hobbies, sports, adventures?
c. Do we have fun even when we're just doing daily life?

15. Friends
a. Do we enjoy each other's friends?
b. Do we have healthy and empowering friendships?
c. Are we willing to end a friendship to protect our relationship?

16. Change
a. Are we both aware and open to the change of life?
b. Are we talking and preparing for known and unknown change?
c. Do we see change as healthy and normal for our relationship?

17. Religious/Spiritual
a. Are we on the same page about our beliefs?
b. Do we appreciate, honor and support our similarities and differences?
c. Do we communicate our position well to our children?

18. Lifestyle
a. Are we on the same page about lifestyle?
b. Do we have a healthy, happy and sustainable lifestyle?
c. Are we willing to do what it takes together, to create the lifestyle we want/deserve?

What did you find? How does that feel? Does anything need to happen now?

If so, share this with your significant other and give them the space to go through this questionnaire before you blast them with your thoughts. Then have a healthy and respectful discussion about your findings. It just might change your relationship...and life.

-Nate

Please email me if you have ideas/thoughts to improve the tool. Thanks!