Look at Yourself from a Distance

Hello everyone,

I was just prompted by a member of the PeopleJam community to share with you another principle that I introduce in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Franl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work (http://www.amazon.com/Prisoners-Our-Thoughts-Principles-Discovering/dp/1...). The "prompt" came as I was responding to a question about how best to deal with "crises" in our lives and, in particular, when it is appropriate to "stay in the moment." For the most part, I must say that I agree with the need to feel and process our feelings while we're in the midst of such crisis moments. This said, I also believe that there are times when remaining "in the moment" does NOT serve our highest good and may not even be EFFECTIVE during our moment of need. At such times, I have learned through my own personal experiences, that it is useful to have some additional "tools" in our personal toolkit. With this in mind, let me now briefly introduce you to the Logotherapeutic principle of "Self-Detachment," or as I refer to it in my book (Chapter 8), "Look at Yourself from a Distance."

My mentor, Dr. Viktor Frankl, who, among other things, was a survivor of four Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz, during World War II, believed that, if there is one thing that distinguishes our "human-ness," it's our sense of humor. Indeed, Dr. Frankl viewed our sense of humor as evidence of our unique ability to "self-detach," that is, look at ourselves from a distance. In this regard, we all know dogs who smile--but they don't burst out laughing, especially at themselves, when they forget for the umpteenth time where they buried their latest bone! Humor about ourselves represents the essence of self-detachment, especially when the joke is on us. It tells us, and anyone within earshot, that we aren't taking ourselves so seriously--and isn't that a relief. Our human ability to laugh at ourselves takes the edge off every serious life and work situation; and every serious life and work situation deserves, and needs, a dose of humor.

A sense of humor, moreover, is usually accompanied by cheerfulness. This is another one of those misleading words. Most cheerful people I know have experienced real tragedy in their lives. When tragedy strikes, it takes us to the depths of our grief. Going through grief gets us to cheerfulness. When we know how bad it can be, we find out, as the actor Jack Nicholson would say, how good it can get. Indeed, a moment of humor at the right time can lift us out of our self-imposed misery faster than anything else. When we detach ourselves from ouselves and our situation, we don't diminish or marginalize the circumstances, we go beyond them. We can see, feel, and appreciate ourselves as separate from the distress. We don't deny; we accept and rise above.

It is important to distinguish between self-detachment and denial. When we detach, we do so knowingly and with an orientation toward action. We understand our predicament and choose to behave in a way that supports our relationship with others. We might share our burden; we might not. But we know what it is and we know what we are doing. On the other hand, denial separates us from our experience and the benefits that can be derived from it. And, when we deny our own experience, we deny the experience of others. Denial leads to disconnection. Self-detachment, on the other hand, leads to connection, learning, and growth.

In the final analysis, of course, self-detachment is not about detachment at all. While it certainly has been proven to be an effective tool for coping with a wide range of situations, including crises, predicaments, and hardships from which you cannot escape, its ultimate value lies in the unlimited potential for bringing wholeness and authentic meaning to life. To summon the power of self-detachment and tap into this unique potential, however, requires both freedom of thought and a will to meaning. And we can only fulfill these requirements if we are not "prisoners of our thoughts."

I hope to hear from you if you have any questions or comments, including experiences to share, related to the principle of Self-Detachment.

Meaningfully,

Alex