Keeping score can keep your marriage happy and strong.

That may fly in the face of what relationship gurus have been spouting since Eve met Adam, but with the divorce rate hovering near 50%, isn’t it time to try something new?

Let’s ‘fess up. Ghandi and Mother Teresa aside, we all keep score. Show me a spouse who’s never said, “You owe me one,” or “You lost a few points,” and I’ll show you a spouse who’s stopped paying attention.

I say, if we do it anyway, let’s do it in a way that makes our relationship stronger. My hubby Dale and I keep our marriage strong and our point scores high by accumulating what we call Frequent Foreplay Miles™. It all started the day I was on a rant about Dale’s persistent lack of timeliness, something which really chapped my hide. To make my point crystal clear, I presented it in a context sure to get his attention: Sex.

I explained . . .

• Foreplay is all day, every day, 24/7.
• Foreplay is about everything that happens between partners.
• Foreplay is consistently doing things that please your partner like being thoughtful, keeping your word, and being on time.

I suggested Dale accumulate Frequent Foreplay Miles to draw against on those occasions when, despite best intentions, he screws up. He suggested I do the same. We laughed. But what began as a joke became our philosophy of marriage: Earn as many and lose as few Frequent Foreplay Miles as possible. It’s a philosophy that has served us well, particularly when our marriage was challenged by a significant financial set-back.

It’s simple. Frequent Foreplay Miles are awarded when you make your sweetheart happy. They are deducted when your behavior falls below your sweetheart’s standards. The higher your balance, the happier and stronger your marriage. Here’s why:

While everybody knows that a sledge hammer like infidelity will smash a relationship to smithereens, too few appreciate the destructive force of little hurts and disappointments. Each hurt, no matter how seemingly insignificant, causes a little crack. Too many cracks and the relationship will fall apart or become too weak to withstand the inevitable challenges that all marriages face.

Imagine a bucket sitting in the rain. A single drop won’t fill it but many drops will. Now imagine your sweetie’s heart. A single crack won’t break it, but lots of cracks will.

Just as tiny cracks can destroy a relationship, tiny kindnesses keep it strong. He notices she’s running late, so he scoops the litter box even though her cat Fluffy treats him like scum. Or, she sews a button on his shirt even though he knows where the needle and thread are kept as well as she does. Opportunities to pick up Frequent Foreplay Miles™ occur every day.

When you tailor your behavior to resonate with your sweetheart’s Emotional Coordinates, the Frequent Foreplay Miles™ add up fast! More about that in future posts.

By transforming the covert negative of score keeping into the overt positive of accumulating zillions of Frequent Foreplay Miles through daily acts of kindness, large and small, you keep your relationship strong and happy.

If every couple accumulated Frequent Foreplay Miles™ with the same enthusiasm with which they accumulate frequent flier miles, divorce lawyers would be out of business. To keep your relationship strong, start keeping score today!