So- how long should it last? 10 minutes? an hour? Three days? Maybe a week? When I pose this question to participants in my intimacy seminars- the looks I get are hysterical.  Usually they fall along gender lines with men giving me a nod at somewhere between 10 minutes and an hour and women giving me applause at three days to a week (with the men looking disgusted:))... These are typical responses... Why? Because for many (not all, but many) men- intimacy is a physical act that has a beginning, a middle and a hopeful end. If that process is not completed start to finish there is a failure...  For many (not all, but many) women- intimacy is also a process, but a more complex one. Less linear, more possibilities, and more outcomes. I tell guys all the time that when they aren’t getting it- it's not necessarily because she's "withholding" it- it may very well be that she is not into you or into "it" right now in part because you aren’t helping the process. Here's where it gets a bit tough for some guys-- the "process" may need to start on Tuesday, with kindness, romantic gestures, tenderness and physical contact that leads to nothing (on Tuesday).. and that "process" may need to continue on and off (more on than off) for a few days or so... Now- should you as a guy be sweet and tender with your mate just to hedge your bets for a good payoff later on? - No- you should be sweet and tender because you love her. However- remember- that tenderness, kindness, gentleness are all a part of the definition of intimacy.  And herein lies the problem-- We (guys) need to remember that intimacy in a relationship is more like a fine wine than a bottle of grape juice.. It will get better with time, it's fragile, it's complex and man it's awesome if handled correctly...

All of that being said- yes there are times for guys and girls where foreplay need not be more than a few minutes and both sides are eager to cut to the chase.. But--guys- trust me-- rethink your definition of intimacy- rethink your timeframe for foreplay and you will reap the benefits- as will your relationship...