Internet Dating 105: How to Write the First Email.

Writing the first e-mail. “I really like this person’s profile. What should I say in my first e-mail?” Nothing’s nearly as agonizing as writing that first e-mail to a stranger; the hope, the anticipation, the fear of not receiving a reply, and, alternately, the fear of what happens after you receive a reply. The following are suggestions gleaned from my own experience as well as a sample e-mail of introduction.

Brevity, levity, and sincerity. Keep it bright and breezy. Think of the first e-mail as a simple introduction. Express an initial interest in the person. Tell them you find their profile interesting and their photo attractive. Tell them a little bit about yourself, that you’re interested in striking up a conversation, and hope, after reading your profile, the feeling is mutual.

Divest of emotional investment. Once you’ve sent your e-mail, let it go. Think of internet dating as a learning curve. There’ll be hits; there’ll be misses. You can’t control the outcome. Even if the recipient responds to your e-mail, there’s no guarantee you’ll actually like them should you meet.

No reply? Don’t sweat it. So, you really liked this woman’s profile and she didn’t write you back? What happened? Try not to take it personally, especially since the other person hasn’t even laid eyes on you. There could be a range of reasons why they didn’t reply. If you’re concerned it was something you wrote in the first e-mail and/or in your profile, ask friends of the opposite sex for feedback.

Get your money’s worth. Writing an individualized e-mail for every person you contact (particularly if you plan to contact lots of people) is time consuming and a waste of resources. During my initial phase of Internet dating, I sent 3 to 4 e-mails and then waited a few days for replies. Based upon the response(s), or lack thereof, I arranged phone calls and possibly an initial meeting. I waited a few days more to decide if I wanted to see any of them again and/or if they wanted to see me.

Internet dating services aren’t free nor are they what I’d call inexpensive ). At this rate, I was only meeting a new man every 2 weeks or so and shelling out $29.95/month for Oy Vey Date and $39.95/month for Mismatch memberships. To address this problem, I created an Internet dating form “letter” to maximize efficiency and minimize expense.

The E-mail & Beyond… Scenario One: The person you wrote responds and indicates a mutual interest. What do you do? There are some individuals who like to drag out the e-mail correspondence for weeks. This is usually a mistake.

Unless you’re the sort of person who enjoys mental masturbation, there’s no reason to e-mail for such a lengthy time without phone contact. You may not click with the person conversationally, so don’t waste your time doing the pen pal thing if you’re looking for something more.

Here’s my advice: Send an initial email; if they respond and you like their response, email back; offer your phone number or ask the person to send you his number if they prefer you make the call. If this is too difficult for them, move on, immediately, unless of course, you’re looking for a project.

Scenario Two: No response to your e-mail. What do you do? Back into the fray and try, try, try again! Also, consider asking friends for feedback if you think you aren’t getting the responses you should. A second opinion couldn’t hurt (well, depending upon who you ask, of course!)

Bon chance!