You’ve written the text for your profile. Now, it’s time for one of the most important decisions you’ll make in online dating: To post a photo or not to post a photo.
Fair or not, many individuals contact others solely based upon their photographic appearance. One would hope, however, it takes more than a pretty face to sustain interest after you’ve met. Although, there are plenty of terminally shallow people out there, but they’re fairly easy to spot sooner or later. The following are general guidelines and suggestions to consider when selecting your Internet dating photo’s:
Post a recent photo(s). This is the digital age. It’s easier than ever to take a photo, upload it to your computer, and post it. I’ve met men who posted photos that were up to 15-years old. Believe it or not, I found them better looking in the present tense. Ease up on yourself. Most of us aren’t super models (besides, most super models have been “enhanced” surgically or through the magic of PhotoShop.) Engaging in subterfuge now will only backfire on you later. The following are personal preferences, but I don’t think I’m alone in suggesting:
• Post at least 3 photos, but no more than 5 or 6 max. People don’t want to see your life history in images. “Here I am on my 7th birthday opening another pair of tube socks from Auntie Gertie…“ Please. I don't even want to see those photos when I'm actually involved with someone.
• DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT post photos of you with your ex. This includes photos in which the majority of your ex has been cropped out with only a stray arm, hand or hair around/on the shoulder remaining. Once I received an email from a man who had scratched out his ex’s face. I resisted the urge to ask where he'd buried the rest of her. I don’t care how great a photo it is of you, just don’t do it.
• Refrain from posting photos of yourself in a bikini or swimwear. (Personal preference, but I think it says, “trying way too hard” for women and “I have a really groovy waterbed,” for men). Yecch.
• Do not post photos of you standing next to or shaking hands with a celebrity. Once again, the message is TRYING TOO HARD.
• A man once contacted me whose primary photo was of him, standing in front of his bright red, ridiculously expensive sports car. I had other issues with his profile and e-mail, but the photo summed it up for me in one word: COMPENSATION (i.e. LITTLE RED VIAGRA-VETTE).
• Do not post photos of you wearing a mask or with your head cropped off. It’s creepy. (Yes, people have actually done this).
• Do not post photos of relatives you think resemble you whereby you’re trying to pass them off as you. True story: A man I met via Oy Vey Date (no, I’m not Jewish- long story) met a 46-year-old woman who posted a photo of her 25-year old daughter because everyone tells her “they could be twins.” Yikes.
• Ask yourself this question: “Would I be embarrassed if my mom or dad saw this photo?”
• Include a nice head shot, a full or nearly full body shot; and photos that show examples of you in dress clothes, at play, and relaxing.
No photo available. I understand some of you have high profile jobs and for matters of personal privacy, don’t wish to post a photo(s) and that’s okay. However, people are visual creatures. Profiles with photos generate more interest. Yes, I know you want someone who appreciates the “inner you,” but you need to get your foot in the door first.
If you don’t post a photo, I recommend including a statement in your profile that you’ll send a photo upon request. Alternately, if you contact another member first, offer to send a photo if they’re interested. If a man won’t send a photo after an initial e-mail, not only will I not meet him, I won’t correspond with him either.
It’s a power play and an indication of other issues I think best to avoid. On a positive note, I’ve met some wonderful (and attractive) men who didn’t post photos, but sent them upon request, so give the “no photo availables” a chance. Oh yeah, and when having photo’s taken of yourself, don’t forget to SMILE! People are visual creatures and anyone who says that looks don't matter, at least initially, is LYING.