I want to be a better friend.

What does being a better friend look like to you?

Bev, I know from experience how big your heart is. Lots of room in that soil for friendship and love to grow. You've certainly got mine!

Greater connectivity. How does one connect in a "doing" society?

Hello Richman:

That last comment about better connectivity was meant for you. I'm new to this & awkward.

Hello Aprille: Thanks for your comment. I don't know what a big heart is but what it feels like is that I'm much too small to do all that I wish I could.

Oh boy. There are so many ways. First and foremost it's conversations, very real conversations. There's a book called Fierce Conversations that says that in every conversation we are either building or breaking down the relationship. They actually make the argument that conversations ARE the relationship. They entirely make it up! So each time you have a conversation with someone, know that THAT is the relationship, and you're either getting closer or further away.

Yippee! I wrote! I mean I think I've started to write a book. By that I mean I didn't plan to start one but I just started to write and the words have just been tumbling out like the story has been waiting in there all this time to be let out.

Thanks for the connectivity advice. It makes a lot of sense. I don't think I have a problem actually talking with people but I don't usually have time to chit chat about nothing and a lot of people seem to be afraid of the heavy stuff. Finding a good balance isn't always easy for me. I run a business so when it's not heavy emotional stuff it's all business. Maybe it's because I don't do enough fun stuff these days so I don't have anything light to talk about. Anyway, I feel awkward being the center of a public conversation about my struggles so I'd like to hear about someone else's struggles or victories. By the way, if I ever publish I'll be sure to post it here.

"The Art of Non-Violent Communication" is a remarkable book. It elucidates upon all the different ways that people inadvertently fall back on the same old patterns of speech that alienate each other.

It also offers betters ways of saying things that are simple and yet, highly effective.

I admire your self-honesty and since you want to hear a "struggle" here goes....

I used to feel that I was in a war between my higher self and my lower self. My lower self was selfish and petty and did not make a very good friend.

I would hurt people and not know how or why. I would blame and point fingers and found it difficult to be humble. My point of view was all that mattered and I truly didn't understand the meaning of the word, "empathy."

It was only after I had burned a crucial bridge that I was able to see the part I played. Choosing to hold myself accountable for my words and deeds was liberating enough for me to make more conscious decisions and to mature.

I also did a lot of inner-work and realized that there was a lot of childhood trauma that hadn't been properly acknowledge and resolved.

Doing so allowed me to show more empathy towards others and to be a better friend, which to me means being an awesome listener so that you can connect to and have compassion for what others don't reveal through their words.

I'd like to see you make a list of "non-business" things that you could do to promote your evolving and loving creativity.

Thanks and Best of Luck!

I would have thought of "Creative loving" but never "loving creativity." How does that work?

Sometimes when I write, the words come out as they choose and I just go with it. I do a lot of free-association and word play in order to extend myself creatively and look at something from a different angle.

When I wrote "loving creativity," I thought to change it to what made sense and then I thought that there is a bit of sense to it already.

I think creativity should have a loving quality about it. It should be done with love, it should feel as though you're loving yourself when you're doing it and it should connect with others or make them feel something.

A loving creativity will free you up and open you in ways that will heal you as you're accomplishing your goal.

Best.

Thanks Amanda. I love everything beautiful - people, nature, man made things and words. And I love to create.

I will make an effort then to:

a) Write - about all things beautiful

b) Talk with people - entertain as much as I am able

when I can. I get the most satisfaction out of those things. But I will get myself off committees I don't want to be on and to focus on my loves.